by Krista | May 31, 2013 | Bits 'n' Bobs
Rain is falling softly as I alternate sips of red wine and Earl Grey tea and rest on this stormy afternoon.
I’m in the “worse before better” stage of my treatment and it’s been a rough week. A really rough week. Yet somehow, even during these awful days, little things happen that make this worse-ness so much better.
One such thing happened for me.
I was in my little country home town waiting for my doctor’s appointment. I had packed a picnic lunch for myself – tomato salad with fresh buffalo mozzarella, a homemade brownie for dessert – and I carried my bags to a nearby picnic table so I could sit in the winter sunshine and soak up delicious warmth.
I pulled out my journal because, well, it was just one of those days. A day when you feel so utterly miserable that normally manageable things become quite intolerable and it takes a fair bit of effort not to mire down in loneliness and sadness and a rather murky puddle of woe-is-me-ness.
So there I sat hiding my tear-filled eyes behind large sunglasses, writing down soul-invigorating truths in fierce strokes:
You are loved.
You are OK.
You’re going to be OK.
And suddenly a black and white kitten hopped up beside me, sat down on his haunches, and stared at me long and earnestly.
He was so serious that I felt like was being analyzed and it made me laugh. Nothing like a strange cat staring into your soul to jolt you out of sadness.
Finally, appearing to have assured himself that this strange human wasn’t going to lose it after all, he curled up beside me and stayed there until my doctor’s appointment.
It was the loveliest thing.
And I didn’t realize how lovely until a man appeared and asked, “Is he bothering you?” I assured him the cat was most welcome, but the man remained there for a moment or two longer, a puzzled look on his face.
He then explained that the cat was his and that he normally spends all day every day snoozing by the sun-drenched fence at their house.
Neither of us knew why he chose this day to break his routine and spend an hour with a weepy, sick girl on a park bench, but I’m so glad he did.
He made a bad day so much better.
Now I get to look forward to a beautiful weekend with my Bear. We’ve got movies and brownies and stove top popcorn and coffee all the way from dear friends in Germany.
What are you looking forward to?
by Krista | May 26, 2013 | Bits 'n' Bobs
There are only a few days left until Winter officially arrives in Australia. We can feel it in the cold mist and icy winds that sneak around the corner and chill you to the bone.
I finally get to pull out all my Canadian-esque sweaters, wool socks, and scarves, snuggling into their warmth as I down copious amounts of piping hot tea.
As the days get shorter, I savor my afternoon strolls around the farm, capturing the last beauties of Autumn.
Living in a new country makes each season an adventure. I’m used to seeing the ground carpeted with pine needles, maple leaves, and piles of pine cones, but the ground looks completely different here in Queensland, Australia.
Here the wood floor is covered with scrolls of crimson bark and long narrow leaves in violet and sage that have fallen from the gum trees.
There are wonderfully strange seed pods and odd-shaped greenery, but the lichen-covered rocks are very similar to ones I grew up with in the Northern Hemisphere, and they make me smile and feel at home.
I’ve been experimenting with nuts this Autumn, coating them with all sorts of seasonings before roasting them to burnished deliciousness. I’ve done hazelnuts with maple and spice and others with lemon zest and black pepper. Delectable!
Each time I think I’ve found my new favorite, but this week, I think I really have.
This week I tossed gorgeous raw Brazil nuts with olive oil, fresh rosemary, and sea salt and roasted them until the pale, creamy nuts were deep brown, the rosemary crispy and salty.
Oh my word. Bear and I could not stop eating them as we raced each other to find the darkest, most flavorsome ones. We finished the entire batch in less than a day. Swoon.
This week I’m tackling macadamia nuts. I can’t imagine how any nut could top the Roasted Rosemary Brazil Nuts, but I shall keep you posted.
What’s the weather like where you are? What is your favorite healthy snack at this time of year?
Roasted Rosemary Brazil Nuts
Ingredients:
2 cups raw Brazil nuts
1-2 Tbsp fresh rosemary, chopped
olive oil
sea salt
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 375 F (200 C)
- Place Brazil nuts in bowl and add rosemary.
- Drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with sea salt, tossing to coat evenly and completely.
- Cover baking sheet with baking paper. Pour nuts onto baking paper and spread evenly in a single layer.
- Place in oven and roast for 15-17 minutes until well-browned and starting to split. (We like ours very dark.)
- Remove from oven and let cool to room temperature before eating.
by Krista | May 24, 2013 | Bits 'n' Bobs
I woke to a farm shrouded in heavy mist. Our neighbors disappeared in the fog making it seem like we were living on an island.
I love these kinds of mornings, especially when I’m not feeling so good. Yesterday was spent at the hospital undergoing tests, examinations, injections, etc. Down the road all these things will help get me better, but today they’ve left me in great pain, feeling weepy and exhausted.
It will get better, I know it, but on this eerily beautiful day, I need to rest and watch movies and take naps and drink homemade cocoa and stir Mexican black beans on the stove and simmer savory shredded chicken in the crock pot and take quiet walks through the dripping trees.
Mist is like sneaky rain. You can’t see it until it clings to feathery weeds, delicate branches, or your eyelashes.
But then it’s magical, like someone decided it would be a splendid idea to deck humble weeds with glittering diamonds.
Weather like this makes me want to read Russian novels or British murder mysteries and drink copious amounts of tea laced with maple syrup and coffee spiked with rum.
This may be my home, but today it feels like a fairyland I’m visiting, a place of safety and comfort and peace.
Even the animals are quiet today, goats hunkered down in their shed to keep warm, chooks ruffling their feathers until they look like little old ladies in enormous fur coats.
I feel hugged by the weather today, thankful for the mist obliterating even a glimpse of the outside world, helping me focus on all that is good and wonderful.
Like the crippled little runt duckling that survived against all odds and is now toddling about with his big brothers and sisters.
Pressies from dear friends overseas that remind me I am loved and cared for.
And just enough popcorn kernels left to make myself a bowl of salty, buttery goodness.
My other happy thing today is more Mexican food, specifically, carnitas.
How I love carnitas! That exquisite dish of slow-roasted pork so moist and tender it falls apart yet with crispy, caramelized edges that make you swoon.
There are numerous ways to make this delicious meat dish, but it boils down to this: seared pork simmered for hours in a savory broth then crisped in the oven until the broth evaporates and all you’re left with is flavorful shredded pork begging to be folded in tortillas and topped with pico de gallo, frijoles negros, and queso fresco.
I like to simmer mine with water, citrus of some kind (orange or lime are my favorites), and some whole milk (it helps to caramelize the carnitas).
What are some good things in your life today?
Homemade Carnitas
Ingredients:
1 large pork roast (shoulder)
1 orange or mandarin or clementine or lemon or lime
1.5 cups full cream milk
salt and pepper
water
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 375 F (180 C)
- Cut roast into large chunks, season with salt and pepper and brown well on all sides in a lightly oiled saucepan.
- Remove pork to oven-proof pot, preferably cast iron, and pour over any drippings remaining in pan. (If they’re stuck to pan, add a bit of water, heat, and scrape until all the tasty bits are free).
- Halve and squeeze citrus fruit over meat, tuck in between meat chunks.
- Pour milk over meat.
- Season with salt and pepper.
- Add enough water to almost cover meat.
- Cover pot tightly with aluminum foil.
- Slow-roast for 2.5-3 hours until meat is fork tender.
- Remove from oven (but leave oven on!) and remove citrus rinds. Using two forks, shred pork meat.
- Return to oven uncovered and roast 30-40 minutes until edges are crispy and caramelized and cooking liquid has evaporated.
- Serve with Mexican black beans or tuck into tortillas and top with fresh pico de gallo.
by Krista | May 19, 2013 | Bits 'n' Bobs
A few weeks ago I went hunting for beauty and found it among rusted and neglected items.
I loved it so much that I went out again this week, passing time on a cloudy afternoon peering into junk piles and old cars and abandoned bits of machinery in search of vignettes like this.
“Even in the familiar there can be surprise and wonder.”
Tierney Gearon
It’s becoming a highly anticipated ritual each week. Some days I wander around our farm, others through town, sometimes I just look around a familiar cafe or park and find the loveliest things I’ve never spotted before.
I’m discovering it’s a form of therapy too. A practice that takes my mind away from painful things that grow bigger than they are when I focus on them too much. Somehow taking time to look, really look and enjoy, calms my thoughts and puts things in a much healthier and manageable perspective.
“Our brightest blazes of gladness
are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.”
Samuel Johnson
As you know, I’ve been very sick for a long time. I’ve been going through heaps of tests, experimenting with different medications and therapies, trying to figure out something, anything that will help.
Finally, this week, we got some conclusive results and now we know exactly what to do to help me. HOORAY!
Finding out what is wrong is my “brightest blaze of gladness” this week. I still need to visit a surgeon to rule out some other things, but I’m so thankful for this huge dollop of hope.
Recovery is going to take several months or more, but they will be months of hope and understanding, not fear and uncertainty. I’m so grateful for that.
Before we got this great news, I decided to use the waiting time to plan a Mexican feast of beloved dishes.
Bear had never tasted Mexican food before, a tragedy that had to be rectified. So I filled my grocery cart with peppers and black beans and a gorgeous hunk of pork and couldn’t wait to get home to start cooking.
The first dish I made was pico de gallo – that luscious fresh salsa made glorious with lashings of lime juice and hearty sprinklings of sea salt.
Bear is of the opinion that cilantro (coriander to my Aussie folks) is of the devil, so I made his pico de gallo cilantro-free and happily loaded mine with the greeniliciousness.
Then I made queso fresco – a creamy yet crumbly fresh Mexican cheese that only takes 15 minutes to make.
I could not stop eating it and the first batch was nearly half gone by the time dinner arrived. I’m definitely going to stock up on milk this week to make heaps of this wonderful cheese.
Next up were frijoles negros – savory black beans (turtle beans in Oz) simmered for several hours with white onion, garlic, and a large jalapeno. Sea salt brings out the exquisite flavors and makes this one of my very favorite side dishes.
The first night we had all these good things piled in tortillas with carnitas – I’ll share that recipe with you next time – but the next day I turned it into picnic food.
I topped the frijoles negros with pico de gallo and sprinkled the lot with queso fresco and a few chunks of carnitas and had a wonderful picnic while I waited for my doctor visit. Fears about unknown test results are beautifully assuaged with Mexican food.
Do you have favorite comfort foods that ease difficult times in your life?
Pico de Gallo
Ingredients:
6-8 ripe Roma tomatoes, diced fine
1 white onion, diced fine
1 jalapeno, diced fine
juice from 1-2 limes
sea salt to taste
Directions:
- Combine all ingredients and stir well.
- Let flavors meld for 30-60 minutes before serving.
- Will keep well sealed in fridge for several days.
Queso de Fresco
Ingredients:
8 cups whole milk
1 tsp salt
3-4 Tbsp lemon juice or vinegar
Directions:
- Pour milk and salt into heavy bottomed saucepan and bring to boil, stirring occasionally.
- Stir in lemon juice or vinegar. Milk should immediately start to separate.
- Stir for one more minute then lower heat, stirring constantly until milk has completely separated into curds.
- Pour into cheesecloth-lined colander and drain well. Twist cheesecloth to drain completely.
- Use as is or keep cheese in cloth and press under a weight until cheese is firm to the touch.
- Use immediately or store in fridge, sealed, for several days.
Frijoles Negros
2 cups black beans
1 jalapeno, split and seeded
2 medium white onions, peeled
3-4 cloves garlic, peeled
1 tsp sea salt
Directions:
- Place all ingredients except salt into heavy bottomed saucepan and fill with water until beans are covered by two inches.
- Bring to boil and cook over medium-high heat for one hour. Check liquid levels regularly and make sure beans are always covered.
- Add salt and continue to cook for 1-2 hours more, making sure beans are covered with liquid.
- When ready to serve, remove onions, garlic, and jalapeno, taste for seasoning, and serve.
by Krista | May 13, 2013 | Bits 'n' Bobs
It’s funny the things that trigger our emotions.
One moment Bear and I were cozy in the living room watching an interesting documentary on the Ice Age and the next I had paused the DVD, tears streaming down my face as I turned to a very startled Bear and said, “We don’t really matter, do we?”
(Feel free to feel sorry for Bear at this point. I’m afraid my trains of thought tend to stun him on a regular basis. :-))
In fairness to my overwrought self, this pronouncement had been building for quite some time. Losing a dear friend, cousin, and grandparents in a very short period of time had given rise to feelings of, “What is the point of this life? What’s the purpose of living if we just die and within a few years are forgotten?”
It all felt so very short and so very sad.
Thus, on that cozy night, as I watched stories of people that lived and died thousands of years ago, I found myself mourning them. Mourning the fact that we don’t even know their names, have no idea what they believed or thought of the world, how they loved and cared for their children, not even what language they spoke. What did they do, think, feel? We don’t know.
It felt like they didn’t matter.
It felt like the people I had loved didn’t matter.
It felt like one day, I wouldn’t matter either.
Once Bear recovered from his shock, we talked it over. He listened as I spilled out all those deep fears and doubts and questions. We talked about famous people and obscure ones, people we loved and those we’d lost, people who’d already died and the ones still to be born. We talked about them, their beliefs and experiences, the foods they might have eaten and clothes they’d worn. The crafts they’d done and work they’d accomplished and people they’d loved and fears they’d had. Their comforts and joys, hopes and failures, griefs and soul-surging happinesses.
Then Bear said something I shall treasure forever.
“Babe, we do matter. We matter in our own time and to our own people.”
In those words I found my peace and my comfort and also, somehow, my connection to all those who have gone before and will come after.
We do matter. We ALL matter. From the cave men who made clothing out of fur and leather and painted pictures on rocks to my beloveds who aren’t in this life anymore but who live so vividly in my memories and thoughts.
We do matter. We matter to our own people – the people who love us, whose lives are better because we are in them, the people whose very names make us smile. And we matter in our own time, this time, this very day.
That moment of grief and apparent hopelessness was transformed into a treasure for me, and the ramifications continue to ripple through my thoughts and spirit.
I don’t feel anger about my past anymore. Although the bad things people did to me are still bad, my anger towards the perpetrators has dissolved. And I’m so thankful for that. They may have done cruel and abusive things, but they matter too. And I earnestly wish them real love and healing of their own wounds.
I feel greater contentment and gratitude. I think this society of ours often pressures us into feeling like we need to be amazing in order to matter. It’s lovely to know that we don’t. We can be poor and in debt and still matter. We can be overweight and have messy houses and still matter. We can have crazy relatives and whacked up children and still matter. We can be chronically ill and mess up regularly and still matter. We can just be our plain ol’ lovely selves and matter enormously.
I feel more purposeful. My days are more precious to me now, but not in the way I expected. I don’t feel driven to fill each day with experiences, don’t feel compelled to “not waste a minute!” If anything, I’ve actually relaxed more. This is My Time to Matter, and I want to live it, not with greater accomplishments but with greater awareness, greater enjoyment, and greater love. I’m trying to live more “in the moment” rather than in a “cross this off the list” manner. It’s been lovely. Cooking, chores, exercising, making things – they all become so much more enjoyable when I focus on enjoying them rather than completing them.
Perhaps the biggest change is I’m not afraid of death anymore. I dearly hope there is a heaven where all of humanity will be together in peace and restoration and healing and love, but if there isn’t, it’s OK. I feel so lucky to have lived, to have known love and friendship, to have eaten dark chocolate and ripe tomatoes and fresh peas, to have felt sun on my skin and wind in my hair and splashed in water and fallen in snow. So, so lucky.
Wishing you a beautiful day, dear Mattering Ones, a day of good food and good company and the sure knowledge that you matter.
XO
Maple Cumin Sweet Potatoes
Ingredients:
4 sweet potatoes, peeled and cut in chunks
salt
1/4 cup melted butter
2 Tbsp real maple syrup
2 Tbsp ground cumin
salt and pepper to taste
Directions:
- Place sweet potato chunks in saucepan and cover with water. Add salt and bring to boil. Simmer 15-20 minutes or until potato mashes easily when pressed with a fork.
- Drain and return to pot.
- Add remaining ingredients and mash well.
- Serve hot.
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