It was cloudy and dark today with the finest of sprinkles falling now and then, just enough to make a little puff in the dust and fill the air with that lovely scent of damp earth. We are hoping for rain, proper rain, a farmer’s rain, but we’ll give thanks for even the tiniest drop that cleans the air.
Bear and I are celebrating today for the last of my blood tests came through and my doctor excitedly announced that they are clear and I am officially in recovery. I am deeply grateful. I’ve been very ill since December, but the past 6 weeks have been particularly heinous. I’m feeling quite emotional tonight with the hope of being able to breathe easily on my own, to move without agony, and have the energy I need to do things I love with people who mean the world to me.
Recovery will be slow for my dear, battered body has been through hell, but it will happen through patience, love, and much gentleness.
Last week I could barely move without assistance, couldn’t breathe unless I was on all fours, couldn’t function without pain killers. This week I’m walking and bending unaided, able to work without mind-numbing migraines, and I finally have my voice back.
I must continue resting a lot so I don’t relapse, but I’ve been able to start going for short walks and I’m pottering in my beloved gardens again, watering unruly beds of lemongrass, burdock, motherwort, comfrey, and elderflower. I love being out there listening to the cold winds in the gum trees and watching our local fairy-wrens and double-bar finches flitting and swooping through the misty spray of the drip hoses.
When I get tired I sit with Bear and our dogs in the warm Autumn sunshine and rest. We watch the goats and sheep grazing in the paddock, listen to the geese as they splash in their pond, and check out the trees to see which wild birds we can spot. Our lives have become so quiet and peaceful since my illness, and we can feel the good of it in our very bones. Gentleness has been our guiding light, leading us into a tranquil cadence of living that we treasure.
Our routine is simple: sleep as much as possible, eat healthy things, drink lots of water, rest, and, when I have energy, make a little progress at something.
I’m normally a bit of a whirling dervish with eight projects on the go at once, my brain whirring constantly to stay on top of everything. This past year showed me that this isn’t a character trait but a coping mechanism, a detrimental habit developed in an old life that made me believe my worth was in working non-stop and accomplishing as much as possible.
I didn’t know how to break this habit until a chance conversation with Bear when I heard him say, “make a little progress.” Not finish a project or achieve a goal or cross something off the to-do list, but simply make a little progress.
His words meant nothing to him, he didn’t even remember saying them, but to me, they were a revelation, a light to guide me out of a lifetime of being a workaholic. The change in how I engage with life and work has been astounding to me. Instead of thinking, “I need to do All These Things today,” I ask myself, “How can I make a little progress today.” My ever-active brain has quieted and calmed, my anxiety has shrunk, and I’m actually able to really enjoy and focus on what I’m doing. What a gift. I’m so glad I’m never too old to learn new things and move into greater freedom and peace.
Now it’s time for bed. Time to wind the cuckoo clock, take my medicine, and climb under warm covers to read a bit before sleep. xo
Glad to hear you are on the mend love 💕
Making just a little progress sounds like a great gentle rule to me!
Keep on keeping on my Dear.
xox Karin
My beautiful friend… your words are such life to me today…gentleness, a little progress…sitting with Bear and the dogs… resting… in recovery…
Your life is a gentle kind gift to all of us. In the midst of pain, you see beauty. In sorrow, you share hope.
God’s gentle gifts of healing to us through faithful friends, their kind laughter, through the return of life to a parched earth, the bird song and their dance in our presence, dogs at play and at our side resting too. One breath at a time, one holding of a hand, one smile, one word of life… to bless and encourage… it is enough this feast set daily before us.
Praying comfort and enormous sweeps of gentle healing to you, dear one. You remain ever precious. God holds you. I love you, Krista. I see the beautiful young child you were and the beautiful woman you are. Bear is blessed to have you.
So glad to hear that you are on the mend.
And yes, baby steps. Don’t beat yourself up, just move along gently – that’s what I’m continually telling my own anxiety-ridden daughter.
It seems that you have learned a lot during this journey and now you are coming out the other side, you will be able to take your new found strength and apply it to new challenges, but in a different way. Take care xxx
OMG you write so beautifully my dear lady. Your story just reminds me that for every dark cloud there’s always a silver lining. Keep well my friend 🙏
Dearest Krista
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
I can’t tell you how much I admire you. Love the way you see and handle things. It warm my heart to hear you are getting better. Keep going, and together with your bear, you will bee able to overcome everything. 🇩🇰
Love Helle ❤️
Krista, I must admit I’ve been remiss in reading your post. Not because I didn’t want to, because I do so enjoy them, but because life has been upside-down here as it has everywhere. But, I’m now caught up having read all your posts from this year. I also have battled health issues over the past months, also including a very bad virus, so I can understand your long and hard road to recovery. Good to hear you’re on the mend as recovery is a wonderful light at the end of the tunnel. I look forward to reading more of your lovely posts…Take care and take it easy…
I am so sorry you have been ill. I am a true believer in only doing what you can – lists are not important. Living life the best way we can is. Stay well and hope you get your much needed rain.
I have missed so many of your beautiful photographs and lovely writings. I’ll tell you what I tell myself..’this too shall pass!’ Pain is not pleasant eh? Lessons come from everywhere! Feel better dear girl!
Dear Krista, I’ve been praying for you often during this long silence, sensing there was some struggle brewing. I’m so glad your blood work was so encouraging. I too am learning to go easy through my days, doing the necessary thing, taking time to nap, read, go for a wander ’round the property, check out growing rhubarb, flowering geraniums, budding Haskaps, stop to talk to the three juvenile owls in our fir tree, they are so calm and patient and loving. We wish you all the best in the days ahead: tranquil recovery, sweet rest, peace of heart and mind, and the joys of nature around you. May all be well. Love you, Mumsy
Thankful 🙏🏼
My dear Krista, you are optimistic when others would not, you find joy when joy is hard to find and you are strongest than anyone I know. Kicking those viruses butts is hard. Hoping you keep improving. Love and big hugs my friend.
Hi darling I am so glad you are making progress Do not push yourself over the limit. Listen to your body and your needs. Please take your time to recover and be well I am glad your health is improving Wishing you a fast recovery Much love Cris
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