Photo Essay: Sunrise Drive through Fiji
Sunshine Makes Everything Better
Hello dear folks! How are you doing this Monday morning?
After the coldest spring in recorded HISTORY, Washington finally got summer this weekend!!! WOOHOOHOO!!! I’m still basking in the bliss of going barefoot and getting a sunburned nose from snoozing in the backyard.
I wasn’t well this weekend, but I got to rest, really rest, and I’m so grateful for it.
I napped on the grass and in the house.
Read cookbooks and listened to Jeeves and Wooster.
Ate blueberries and buttery toast.
I loved it.
And then, when migraines eased up a bit, I strolled about the backyard capturing photos of cheery blossoms and humming bees and waddling puppies and snowball trees and delicate ferns. It’s amazing how much beauty can be found in one back yard with a blazing sun to highlight each detail.
I’m so glad I have these pictures to cheer me when the rains return.
What are your favorite memories from your weekend?
xo
So Much Better Than Dead
Good morning, luvs. 🙂
I have missed you SO much! My poor computer has been at death’s door since last weekend so I haven’t been able to post a thing, but my dear friend Darren fiddled with it until all hours last night and managed to bring it back from the brink. Hooray!
How are YOU doing? I can’t wait to get back to your lovely emails and blog posts and status updates and get all caught up on your lives. 🙂
I’m doing better each day since my awful encounter with The Bad Man. Doing One Brave Thing a day has helped tremendously in building my courage and taking back the peace of mind he snatched from me. This week we were finally able to get some information on him and I’ll be talking with the police again today to see what the next step is.
I get scared and overwhelmed often, but I’m bouncing back quicker and that makes me glad. I’m not so good with crowds yet, but I’ve worked up from hiding in my room to one-on-one to going out in public to going out in public BY MYSELF – to small groups, and I think that’s something to celebrate. 🙂
During my bad moments I remember a scene from an episode of Bones I watched a few months ago. Brennan had gone through an awful day, a wretched day filled with trauma and pain, and as she came back to the office that night, she ran into the night watch man, a kindly older fellow.
He asked how she was doing and she stopped, thought a moment and replied, “I’m sad.”
He smiled gently then said, “Mmm, that’s so much better than being dead.”
I wanted to hug him. 🙂
So I’m celebrating LIFE. I may be scared and uncertain and uprooted and shaken, but I’m alive. The Bad Man may have taken away my sense of peace and security for a while, he may have instilled fear in me for a time, but he did not take my Life or my Soul or my Hope.
And that is good. 🙂
Despite all the hard stuff, there have been some wonderful moments this week:
- My cooking club friends helped me get all moved out of my old place
- my friend Kat read aloud to me from a hilarious book that had us in stitches
- dinner and British TV with dear friends
- gummi bears and movie night
- comfort food: grilled cheese sandwiches and barbequed hot dogs with mustard
- Jeeves and Wooster audio books
I’m also excited because I’ve started doing photo shoots! Like a yarn one for my dear friend Marie – a wonder-knitter who is starting her own fabulous knitting blog Knitting the Moment.
Today I get to do a chess photo shoot for my boss at Chess House. I’m having such a grand time and learning all sorts of things. 🙂
What are some good things in your life today?
Thank you so much for your emails, hugs, prayers, good thoughts, love, and care you’ve showered on me. You mean the world to me.
xo
One Brave Thing
When we are afraid we ought not to occupy ourselves with endeavoring to prove that there is no danger,
but in strengthening ourselves to go on in spite of the danger.
– M. Rutherford –
I have been afraid this week.
Afraid when I try to sleep at night.
Afraid when I have to leave the safety of my friends’ home.
Afraid when I drive to work by myself.
I think I’m mostly afraid because the cops have not found the man who tried to assault me last week.
For the first few days I told myself it would all be OK as soon as the cops found him. But as days turned into a week and there was still no word, I realized I might have to be brave without assurance of safety from this predator.
And I hate that.
It doesn’t seem fair that the perverse man who shattered my peace with obscene acts and vile words gets away, and I am left crying myself to sleep and looking over my shoulder any time I leave the house.
It isn’t fair.
But it is my reality.
Tuesday I was feeling weak, scared and so anxious. I didn’t know what to do until I thought of the One Small Thing lesson I had learned the previous week. I remembered that even at my worst I can do One Small Thing.
So I decided to try to rebuild my courage by doing One Brave Thing each day. Just one.
Day One: I went back to work. When I got there my boss let me know they had locked down the whole building and would do whatever it took to make me safe and secure.
Day Two: I went to the library by myself and saw strangers who were normal, kind and cheerful. There are still good, trustworthy people in this world.
Day Three: I went to see my counselor. Instead of talking about how to strengthen myself to face that man in court, we talked about how to strengthen myself in case I never get that chance. Then we devised a Plan of Attack should he ever show his face again. It makes me smile to think of it. For the first time in my life I’ve been encouraged to make a scene in public. 🙂
One Brave Thing each day has done much to strengthen my heart and loosen the grip fear has had on me. I still have my bad moments and probably will for a while, but I’m getting better each day, and that is something worth celebrating.
Thank you so much for all your kind emails, phone calls, text messages, and tweets this week.
You gave me comfort when I was hurting so deeply.
You gave me courage when I was too scared to even think straight.
You gave me hope that this darkness would pass and life would be good again.
Thank you.
Much love and big, squeezy hugs to you.
XO
One day at a time–this is enough.
Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone;
and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.
Live in the present,
and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.
– Unknown –
Time to Call the Police
I don’t want to write this post today.
I want to numb myself with movies and sleep and pretend the events of this weekend didn’t happen.
But they did.
I know they did because I can’t stop shaking. I can’t stop wracking sobs from bursting out of nowhere.
I want to stay safe and warm in the bedroom of the house where I’m hiding from the man who tried to assault me in my apartment this weekend.
But I can’t.
Because there is a restraining order to file, and counselor to meet, and an advocate to get advice from.
Mostly I can’t because if I do, he wins.
That wicked, perverse stranger I didn’t know was stalking me and listening outside my windows, building a fantasy relationship between the two of us until he showed up at my door Saturday morning trying to come in and act out his twisted fantasy.
I don’t know how I stayed calm in those terrifying moments. I don’t know how I managed to keep that fidgeting, glassy-eyed, crazy man out and get my door locked. And I don’t know how I got the strength to call my friends for help after sitting wrapped up in a blanket shaking and crying for an hour.
But I did.
And they came. And held me tight. And they brought me home.
And waited until I was strong enough to call the police.
And stood there in support while the police questioned me.
And gave me my own room with my own bed with a Little Mermaid pillow and two little dogs to curl up beside me and randomly lick my cheek.
And they listened after the police called saying they couldn’t find the man but would keep looking.
And they said I can stay here until the bad guy is found and I can find a new place to live where he can’t find me.
I don’t know how I’ll make it through all those meetings tomorrow, but another friend is taking a day off to go with me because he knows exactly what to do, who to talk to, where to go first.
And I’m so grateful I don’t have to do this by myself.
Because I need to do it.
I need to do it for myself so I’m not scared to go outside.
And for the other women who might be injured by this man if he is not stopped.
Several years ago I was sexually assaulted twice.
Back then I wasn’t strong enough to defend myself. I didn’t know I could and should go to the police. The bad guys got away with it.
I promised myself that if anything like that ever happened again, I would not be a victim. And I would not let them get away with it.
I never thought it would happen.
But it has.
And now I have to keep my promise to myself.
I won’t be a victim – though I feel very weak.
I won’t live in fear – though I am very afraid.
And I won’t let the bad guy win.
I need to take a few days off from my blog to deal with these things.
Know that I love you, am so grateful you are part of my life, and I will be back when I’m ready.
xo
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