by Krista | Jun 17, 2015 | Winter
The fog was so thick I could barely see a few meters in front of me as Bear and I drove to Toowoomba in the early hours of yesterday morning. I was heading for a meeting with the Toowoomba Backscratchers, a great group of local businessmen who meet regularly for breakfast, an inspiring speaker, and good chats who invited me to join in. It was so fun to meet them and hear about their work and passions and what they love about this region.
After the meeting, Bear and I had all sorts of errands to run and decided to make a morning of it.
We picked up canvas to make an extension for one of our medieval tents, fabric for a sewing project, and a few other bits and pieces.
Once all the vital stuff was done, we made a beeline for Toni’s Continental Butchery and Smallgoods, a fantastic Slovenian shop our Croatian friends told us we MUST visit.
They were right! My little Europhile heart was fairly bursting with joy as I stepped inside and gazed in delight at ropes of air-dried salamis, loaves of wood-fire baked sourdough bread, and display cases full of things like Danish frikkadellar, something I’ve never seen outside my kitchen and the kitchens of my Danish relatives.
We visited with the proprietor and stocked up on favorites, pledging to return soon and often.
Then, feeling a bit peckish, we headed next door to Deli Delicious, a combination cafe and gourmet food market.
We ordered coffees – long black for him and flat white for me – and three different cakes to share, just so we could decide which was best. It was hard to choose, I tell ya. Moist Carrot Cake or the multi-layered coffee confection or the utterly luscious Chocolate Hazelnut Torte. They were all marvelous, and just the thing to lift the spirits on a very dark, foggy, and drizzling day.
We had such fun dreaming and planning as we sipped and nibbled. We’d been greatly inspired by the interview and newspaper article I told you about in my last post (Click Here to see the full article), and it felt so good to sit down and talk about the next phase of our plans: what to build, what to organize, what to look for.
All too soon the cakes were gone, coffees finished, and it was time to head home. I picked up a few special things for us – triple creme brie and a little pot of triple salted black licorice – and drove home in the rain.
Nary a drop had fallen on our farm, but this morning we’ve got the lightest drizzle misting everything, and we’ll take it. Even a little bit of moisture is cause for rejoicing around here.
Our finds from yesterday have also put big smiles on our faces. Breakfast this morning was pure bliss: toasted sourdough ciabatta topped with triple creme brie and garnet plum paste with a side of garlicky salami and a big cup of strong coffee.
Now it’s time to knuckle down and get to work. I have to build a campfire and make a series of campfire desserts to photograph and write about for an article. This is the kind of work I was born to do.
What little things are putting a smile on your face this week? xo
by Krista | Jun 15, 2015 | Winter
“Nothing endures but change.”
Heraclitus
I am a fearful person by nature. As a little girl I always wanted everything to stay the same: my room, the menu for Christmas, my friends and family. Change, for some reason, terrified me, but sameness felt safe.
Then, of course, life happened and I grew up and I realized that everything changes. And everyone. Including my dear ol’ self.
I also realized that fear was the thing that made change so scary. Fear that I wouldn’t be able to handle what came my way. Fear that I wouldn’t like the change, whatever it might be. Fear that the future would never be quite as good as the present.
Nowadays I try to see fear as my friend in adventure, someone I clasp hands with as we shout in unison, “Once more, unto the breach!”
I’m still frightened inside, but I’ve got heaps of courage in there too. And pluck. And a jolly good imagination that helps me visualize what I will do to make things better IF they really do go pear shaped.
This weekend my friend Sue asked me if I’d be open to being interviewed by the newspaper about our life on the farm. My first thought was to immediately dive under the covers and not emerge until such a scary notion had passed.
All the “I’m not good enough to do that” fears shot to the surface: “I’m not skinny enough to have my picture taken for all and sundry to see”, “Our farm’s not perfect enough to be showcased”, “I can’t let a stranger here to see all the things we haven’t done yet!”
Sigh. Honestly, those fear voices are a real nuisance.
So I shushed them. And calmly spoke truth.
“It’s OK if I’m chubby right now. I’m working hard to heal my body and get into good shape, and it’s a good thing to let people see me as I AM not who/what I wish I was. Besides, maybe a chubby farm girl with a big smile on her face will cheer someone up who’s also struggling with weight and poor health and trying to smile anyway.”
“It’s OK if our farm’s not perfect. It’s a lovely place jam-packed with possibilities and inspiring projects and it is a haven for us and our loves. And maybe someone who’s also mid-dream with stacks here and piles there will see our farm and feel encouraged to press on.”
“It’s OK if we haven’t finished everything yet. We’re allowed to have partially built smokers and half-painted beehives and chairs, tables, and beds waiting to be mended and refinished. How boring life would be if we were actually done everything and had to sit here with no projects to inspire us, no jobs to keep our hands busy and to discuss over lunch. Nope, these unfinished projects are reminders of how lucky we are to get to pursue a whole passel of dreams.”
So I said yes.
And I’m so glad I did. Jayden (reporter from the Warwick Daily News) is an absolute gem, a ray of sunshine on our farm. He loved everything, even the wonky, unfinished, just-pretend-that’s-not-there stuff, bless him. And it did my heart no end of good to share our dreams with him, to explain how healing it’s been for me to live on this farm and learn so many things, to show him our goats and gardens and ducks.
It reminded me of what we’re working towards and how much it means to us. It renewed my vision, our vision, and made all the aching muscles, bruises, cuts, and scratches absolutely worth it.
I’m so glad I’m learning to hold hands with fear, to say yes to frightening things, to do it scared. My world is so much bigger and better because of it.
What do you do when fear rears its head in your life? xo
by Krista | Jun 12, 2015 | Winter
My whole world seems rather higgledy-piggledy at the moment, but that’s not such a bad thing.
Our crazy weather has my plants thinking it’s Spring or Summer instead of the dead of Winter. Rather than living off of hardy greens and root veggies, I’m picking blueberries, collecting tomatoes, and looking in astonishment at fruit trees sending out blossoms.
My dear ol’ body decided to go wonky too, keeping me in bed much of this week. Thank goodness for a big pot of ham bean soup and stacks of movies from the library to make things easier. Even the worst sick days are made immeasurably better with marathons of “Grimm” and “Rosemary and Thyme.”
In the midst of the weird and hard stuff, there have been good, good things: a wonderful weekend away with our medieval friends that I can’t wait to tell you about, our first attempt at apple wine brewing beautifully, and our orphaned twin goats now fully weaned and healthy as can be.
To top it all off, my actor/singer friend, Kristopher, now a producer in New York City, sent me tickets for a concert by the oh-so-fabulous Mary Wilson, original member of “The Supremes.” I was thrilled!! So Bear and I rugged up against the cold and spent an incredible evening listening to this awe-inspiring 71-year-old belt out powerful ballads, standards, and favorites as if she were 40 years younger. She was cheeky, hilarious, down-to-earth, and made us shake with laughter, wipe away tears, and go home feeling that this truly is a wonderful world.
I’m so thankful that life rarely leaves us saddled with only bad and hard things. There’s always something good and beautiful along the way to shimmer light into the dark places.
What is one good thing in your life this week? xo
by Krista | Jun 1, 2015 | Winter
It’s been a good, good weekend. A time of restoration and healing and returning to the things I love with a stronger, braver, and happier heart.
Bear brought in my cup of tea this morning and said, “You seem very peaceful this morning, very happy. I think it has everything to do with telling your story. You aren’t afraid anymore.” He’s right. I can’t describe the exquisite freedom I feel in body, mind, and spirit, and I’m cherishing it.
There’s something about speaking your truth that dissolves fear. Keeping it all hidden inside, only letting it eek out in tiny snippets, keeps the soul withered and frightened. It makes giants out of bad guys when in reality, they’re only human beings who have fed the darkness inside them instead of the light. They aren’t too big for us to stand up to, and they aren’t too powerful to fight against. Not forever anyways. They do seem to get away with bad things for as long as they’re able to keep up a facade of trustworthiness. But when the survivors of their cruelty heal and regain strength and speak truth, their power crumbles.
“There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others.
My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.”
Jane Austen
I like this quote so much. It makes me smile and stand a little taller, helps me face scary situations with resolve. It also reminds me to keep feeding the light in my own soul. To read, watch, and listen to things that lead to greater wisdom, deeper understanding, more enduring courage. To spend time with those who exemplify the things I cherish: honesty, kindness, bravery, a comfy-ness in being utterly themselves. To make time for the activities and experiences that make my heart swell and my soul sing.
As I rest in this deeper healing, I’ve returned to simple pleasures, nothing lavish or posh – though those things are jolly fun sometimes. I crave quietness and ease of planning marked by deliciousness. Here are a few of the simple lunches we’ve been having lately.
Ripe pears and aged cheddar cheese. Although such a lunch wouldn’t be sufficient on a cold Winter’s day, it is marvelous on these bizarrely hot days we’ve experienced over the last week. Winter arrived today, but freezing temperatures aren’t supposed to show up until Wednesday. Until then, we’re basking in summery warmth and dining lightly.
Mini-skewers. I don’t like to cook every day. I really don’t. Instead I try to only cook every other day and make enough so we have leftovers the next. Mini-skewers are marvelous things for that. I simply thread good Feta and sun-dried tomatoes on toothpicks, and cheddar, olives, and Farmer’s sausage on others. I put them in containers in the fridge and we can pull them out for a nibble whenever we’re famished.
Roast chicken and fresh veggies. With this gorgeously warm weather, I’m still getting ripe tomatoes and good cucumbers. They make a marvelous lunch with leftover shredded roast chicken.
Now I’m off to town for a sunshiny morning of errands and meetings. I’ve got music to listen to and dried apples to snack on so I’m all set.
What is your favorite simple lunch? How do you feed the light in your soul? XO
by Krista | May 28, 2015 | Autumn
“It was time to take the pumpkin out of the pot and eat it.
In the final analysis, that was what solved these big problems of life.
You could think and think and get nowhere, but you still had to eat your pumpkin.
That brought you down to earth.
That gave you a reason for going on.
Pumpkin.”
Alexander McCall Smith
This quote makes me smile, reminding me that even during life’s great upheavals, the simple things keep us grounded, keep us going. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, sunrise, sunset, over and over they come, dragging us back from the storm to quiet our souls and nourish our bodies.
Thank you so much for the messages and comments of love and support regarding my post about the Duggar abuse story and the ATI Cult. Each one meant a great deal to me. XO
This week one news service after another has exposed more stories of lies, abuse, and cover-ups, giving voice to many who were victimized in that world. It has been incredibly healing. For the past 15 years we’ve been effectively silenced, told we were lying or exaggerating about what happened, that we needed to “get over it”, needed to forgive and confess our bitterness over the abuse we experienced.
No more.
Now places like CNN are telling our stories. They’re doing the investigations, they’re holding the leaders of these organizations accountable, they’re pressing for answers, and it has brought about much healing in our lives. The sort of healing that comes when victims are validated, their stories believed, their experiences acknowledged.
I hope very much that Josh Duggar’s victims, and anyone who has been abused, will also receive validation and find a safe place where they can grieve, heal, and thrive.
I also like the quote at the beginning of this post because our farm world has been all about pumpkins this week.
Good friends completed their pumpkin harvest and invited us to stop by and collect as many of the leftovers as we wanted. Such a gift!!
So Bear and I bundled up against the frigid wind and headed out to their paddock. We trudged through muddy hillocks and tripped over pumpkin vines and hauled two trailer loads of pumpkins back to our farm.
Our goats adore pumpkins, so we made their day as we hurled pumpkins onto the ground, watching them smash against rocks and break apart into brilliant orange pieces perfect for goat-nibbling.
Note: if you’re ever stressed about anything, smashing pumpkins is a marvelous antidote.
By the second load we were so tired and sore we couldn’t be bothered with smashing anything, and simply rolled them off the back of the trailer.
We were able to rescue a few pumpkins that hadn’t been damaged by rains or frosts, and share them with friends. A few more are saved in my greenhouse, ready to be turned into soup, pie, or simply chopped up and roasted for pasta, pizza, or roast chicken.
This week I’m thankful for those who stand against abuse, who stand up for anyone who’s been abused, and kind friends who share food that comforts and sustains.
XO
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