by Krista | Oct 10, 2013 | Spring
“Sometimes you need to hang on to someone else’s hope,
someone else’s peace and sanity while yours is under siege.
Do it.
Courage, hope, faith, sanity, peace…they all come and go.
Borrow them from someone else’s supply until your own comes back in.”
Linda Mundy
I read these wonderful words yesterday and they made me teary and feel overwhelmingly grateful for the kind and loving souls who shared their supply with me when I felt so lost, scared, insecure, and crushed in body and spirit.
Since then I’ve had a slideshow of beloved faces running through my mind that send me smiley and weepy all at the same time.
Until I moved to Australia, I’d always prided myself on being a Very Strong Person. After all, I’d made it through a religious cult and brainwashing, several stalkers, being abused by people I trusted, crippling illnesses, etc, etc, and I was Fine. Wasn’t I?
No. I wasn’t Fine. I was simply Hanging On For Dear Life.
I was trying so hard to be strong enough, good enough, brave enough, wise enough so that I wouldn’t be a burden or a disappointment or a failure or an embarrassment. I held the wonky notion that to be strong meant to be unaffected by bad things.
I was wrong.
I didn’t need more strength, I needed healing, validation, and truth that liberates and frees. Mostly I needed love. Real love.
I’ve learned that there are lots of different things that go under the name of love. People beat, rape, break spirits, dull minds, fetter dreams, force into molds, seek to control and manage, all in the name of love.
For a long time I didn’t know what real love was. I believed whoever said they loved me even when they hurt me, lied to me, touched me in bad places, exposed me to molesters and didn’t protect me. I believed them when they said that Love was their motivation for keeping me from the very people who would later help to heal and free me.
But that’s not love. That’s fear. That’s arrogance. That’s one human being believing they have the right to control another.
They don’t.
I don’t.
We don’t.
I’ve learned that Love isn’t a word that people say, it’s something they feel and something they do.
I’ve been learning to love all over again, casting aside the wonky notions I had and embracing affection, kindness, consideration, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, apology, delight, restoration. There’s a glorious peace and acceptance in real love. I don’t have to try to change anyone or fix anyone, not even myself. Yes, I get to grow and learn and share and all those good things but not to prove my worth, simply to thrive as a human being.
I’ve thought about love so much in recent months as I’ve healed from PTSD and Depression, and learned how to stop the coping methods I’d adopted to survive and embrace thriving methods instead.
It’s a hard thing to learn how to thrive when you’ve been coping for so long. Coping is good, necessary, and the very bravest thing you can do when you’re in a dark or dangerous place, but once you’re out in the light, you don’t need to cope anymore. We get to thrive.
Thrive. I love that word. 🙂 It is so ALIVE, so free and open and honest and real. It speaks of freedom of thought and spirit and body, of self-awareness and wholeness, of healing and strength and hope. I love it.
Bit by bit I’m building the things into my life that help me thrive: loving people, exercise, nature, good food, lots of water and chamomile tea, great books and movies, soul-stirring music, supporting others, writing, taking pictures, making beautiful things.
How about you? Have you ever been in a Coping Stage? What things, thoughts, people, experiences helped you transition to thriving? I’d love to hear your ideas. 🙂
by Krista | Oct 8, 2013 | Spring
It is a gorgeous Spring morning, a beautiful day to get back to work and routines after a marvelous holiday. I’m in my favorite green armchair armed with tea and dark chocolate gluten-free banana bread to get me through a massive to-do list. Chores are made immeasurably easier with decadent nibbles in between projects.
Over the holidays Bear and I spent a wonderful day exploring various parts of Brisbane with our dear friend Elizabeth. We had such fun scoping out new places for gelato, meandering through beautiful gardens, and taking in grand vistas from stunning overlooks. My favorite spot of all was the Asian market in Inala.
I felt like I had stepped into another world, as if somehow instead of beetling along in Elizabeth’s car, we had boarded a plane for parts unknown.
I loved everything from the chalkboard signage to the buzz of foreign languages around me. Everywhere I looked were beautiful faces from Africa, Russia, Vietnam, China, and a host of other countries.
The food selection was mind-boggling. I couldn’t focus long enough to buy anything at first. I just had to wander happily and, admittedly, slightly dazedly, as I tried to take it all in.
There were mounds of strange fruits, knobbly tubers, and even familiar fruits in unfamiliar hues.
You could smell the strawberries before you saw them and the mangoes and tomatoes were wonderfully plump and perfectly ripe.
I loved the unexpected vignettes that greeted me as I wandered down one shaded lane after another.
Elizabeth is Chinese and was able to explain a lot of the foreign produce we saw, but some of them had even her baffled. I loved chatting with the shopkeepers who were delighted to help me but burst out laughing when they realized they couldn’t remember the English words for any of the foods I pointed to.
I didn’t mind and happily stocked up on mangosteen and longan and could not resist tiny eggplants the size of golf balls. I quickly filled my box with massive bunches of fresh spearmint and a type of basil that looked like a cluster of maple leaves. I found plump sugar snap peas and massive avocados and a fruit that I didn’t recognize but was told was something like mangosteen.
It was wicked fun and so inspiring.
After the markets we headed into tiny little shops stacked floor to ceiling with weird and wonderful things. I found a massive steamer to make gluten-free dumplings (yay!) and more noodles than you can shake a stick at: glassy rice noodles, purple sweet potato noodles, and silvery potato ones. So fun. 🙂
Elizabeth treated us to an exquisitely delicious Vietnamese lunch of fresh spring rolls, sugarcane prawn salad, and my new favorite soup: phở
It looks like a very simple beef noodle soup, but one sip of that gorgeous broth and you are transported to heights of bliss.We kept sipping and savoring, guessing each flavor as it stood out to our taste buds.
I learned that in Vietnam, each family has their own secret recipe for phở that they guard fiercely. The basic recipe consists of dry-roasted spices simmered long and slowly with beef, onion, and garlic. Once fish sauce is stirred in, it’s poured over rice noodles and thinly sliced beef then topped with bean sprouts and fresh basil and/or mint.
I’ve been experimenting with my own version of phở and it keeps getting better. I only use a hint of anise since it’s such a strong flavor, double the onion and garlic because we adore those flavors, and add slices of crunchy snow peas as a topping. Bear likes a bit of soy sauce added to his broth. It has become one of my very favorite comfort foods.
What is the best fresh produce market you’ve ever been to? Do you have a favorite comforting soup?
Phở
Ingredients:
1 aniseseed pod
1/4 tsp fennel seeds, lightly crushed
4 cloves
1 stick cinnamon
5 cardamom pods, lightly crushed
1 tsp black peppercorns
8 cups water
2-3 cups stew meat, cubed
1 beef bone, roasted (roasted at 375 F for 30-40 minutes)
2 onions, halved (no need to peel)
6-8 garlic cloves, smashed but not peeled
1-2 Tbsp fish sauce
1 tsp sugar
1 tsp sea salt (more, if needed)
2 cups thinly sliced steak (like for stir-fry)
1 package bean sprouts
1 cup snow peas, thinly sliced
1 bunch fresh Thai basil
1 bunch fresh spearmint
1 lemon, quartered
Directions:
- Place first six ingredients in saucepan over medium-high heat. Dry roast, stirring to keep from burning, for 2-3 minutes until fragrant. Remove from heat.
- In large saucepan combine water, stew meat, roasted beef bone, onions, cloves, and spices. Bring to boil then lower heat and simmer for 2-3 hours until broth is strong and rich. Skim off any froth/fat.
- Strain broth through fine mesh sieve and return to pot.
- Stir in fish sauce, sugar, and salt and bring to boil.
- While broth is heating, boil water and pour over rice noodles. Let sit five minutes then drain well. Divide noodles between 2-4 bowls.
- Add sliced steak to broth and simmer until cooked through, about 1-2 minutes.
- Remove steak and divide between soup bowls. Pour broth over noodles and steak.
- Add bean sprouts, basil, spearmint, and fresh-squeezed lemon juice.
by Krista | Oct 1, 2013 | Spring
It has been such a good holiday thus far, busy as can be, but so good.
Bear and I have been juggling a mixture of hard labor and jolly day trips around Queensland, and my heart is full of great memories of gorgeous places, projects completed, and jolly times with dear friends.
I’m going to take the rest of the holiday off from blogging, but I shall leave you with these photos of the exquisitely beautiful and peaceful Japanese Gardens at the Brisbane Botanical Gardens at Mt. Coot-tha.
I love this place so much. Especially early in the morning when there aren’t any visitors about and I have to run through a gauntlet of sprinklers to get inside.
It is a lovely place for slow strolling and quiet sitting.
At this time of year the azaleas and irises are blooming, vibrant bursts of color in a soothing expanse of green.
I love the water, particularly on cloudy days when it seems even more still and peaceful.
“Even the smallest act of caring for another person is like a drop of water -it will make ripples throughout the entire pond…” Jessy and Bryan Matteo
I like that thought very much. It reminds me of another quote I read earlier this week:
“I can’t save the whole world. I can’t bring peace to Syria. I can’t fix the environment or the health care system,
and from the looks of it, I may end up burning my dinner.
But I can be kind.”
Kate Bartolotta
Wishing you a beautiful week filled with peaceful moments, much kindness, and happy memories to cheer your heart when life goes wonky.
xo
by Krista | Sep 25, 2013 | Spring
It was the first day of school holidays when Bear and I packed up the car and set out on an adventure. We decided not to make any plans and just see where the road took us.
It was marvelous! Glorious sunshine, great audio book to listen to as we drove, holding hands, stopping wherever our fancies dictated.
Mostly it consisted of looking for green spots or water on the map and going “there” – wherever there was.
Our first stop took us to the gorgeous red beaches of Oyster Point Park.
At lunch time, it took us here: Logan River Parklands.
The fun part about not having any expectations is that you’re always surprised, usually pleasantly. Such was the case at Logan River.
There were a few people about, mostly families flying kites and riding bikes, but it wasn’t remotely crowded and we had oodles of empty picnic tables to choose from.
We chose this one, right by the river, under the partial shade of a gigantic gum tree.
How we loved it, munching happily as we watched the river roll by, listening to various birds chattering in the trees, grinning at an adorable little boy beaming proudly as he showed us how well he could ride his bike.
We tucked into gluten-free meat pies I’d made the day before, full of savory veggies and tender chunks of beef.
There is something absolutely heavenly about not having a deadline or a commitment spurring you on. To just be able to sit quietly, soaking up sunshine and fresh air, feeling and loving every moment. How we needed and treasured it.
It didn’t take long for the birds to discover there was food to be found at our table, and we happily shared a few bits of pie crust with them.
While Bear stretched out on the grass, I moseyed along the waters edge, loving the profusion of purple blossoms festooning the river bank.
Everything was so quiet and peaceful, the only sounds soothing and happy ones: wind in the trees, water gurgling through twisted tree roots, the occasional shush of bicycle tires as someone rode past.
I joined Bear on the grass and we leaned back, utterly content, delighted with this little escape. There’s no need for much talking at such moments, just the occasional sigh and “I love this” more than sufficed.
After a while we broke out dessert and dined on smooth, dark chocolate, lingering over each piece.
I love how places like this settle the mind, relax the body, and nourish the spirit. You can arrive worn out and frazzled from that stressful last week before holidays begin, but just a short time in a gorgeous place has you so relaxed you could fall asleep right there under the trees.
As we started to nod off next to each other we laughed and shook ourselves and went for a walk instead. We had a good visit with some fishermen waiting patiently next to lines trailing in the river and learned how to catch mud crabs from a couple of Maori ladies stuffing crab traps with whole chickens.
It was a beautiful discovery and as we drove home we continued to sigh happily. It was a great start to our holidays.
Where is your favorite place to go for a picnic?
by Krista | Sep 23, 2013 | Bits 'n' Bobs
I love going for drives in Queensland, for I never know what gorgeous places we’re going to stumble upon.
This past weekend Bear and I were out and about running errands. It was a beautifully clear and crisp Spring morning and as we stepped out of the car in Cleveland, Queensland I turned to Bear and said, “Can you smell the ocean??!!” He started chuckling knowing that the very next words out of my mouth would be a plea to make a detour and follow our noses to the sea.
He is an accommodating fellow with my oft startling whims and after wrapping up our business, we headed straight for the source of the salty breezes.
We were so glad we did when this sight met our eyes.
I had never seen a red beach before and my jaw dropped in wonder as I gazed out at the vivid expanse of brick red earth that stretched out to meet the sea.
I stood on a little spit of grass-topped red outcropping and spun slowly around in unabashed delight as the cool sea breezes danced and fluttered about me.
Have you ever seen such colors at the beach before?
Bear and I spent a most happy time clambering down onto the still damp beach, stepping round sky blue puddles as we explored the red rocks finding all sorts of treasures: a motorboat hidden in the marsh, brightly colored leaves, and strands of vivid green seaweed.
This seashell masquerading as a butterfly made me smile.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen such delicate seaweed – or are they grasses washed up on the beach?
With all that brilliant sunshine and briny wind, I was deliriously happy, especially since we didn’t have to share the beach with another soul. We had it completely to ourselves.
A secluded beach is pure happiness to me. I felt like Sarah Plain and Tall, Anne of Green Gables, and all those beloved ocean-loving heroines rolled into one.
One day I will return, journal and pen in hand, and sit at this idyllically placed picnic table.
I can’t wait.
Do you like following your nose and finding new places? What is a favorite discovery you’ve made in your travels?
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