by Krista | Apr 23, 2013 | Bits 'n' Bobs
My courage failed me this week. Hard and scary news from my surgeon crumpled me for a while, but I’m standing tall again.
Sometimes life holds a lot of scary and uncertain things, and I’m learning that it’s OK to be terrified, to bawl your eyes out through a doctor visit, and to hide away for a bit to face your fears so you can emerge into the world again with renewed courage and more fervent hope.
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence
by every experience in which you really
stop to look fear in the face.
You are able to say to yourself,
‘I lived through this horror.
I can take the next thing that comes along.'”
Eleanor Roosevelt
I love that quote. It helps me breathe a little deeper, stand a little straighter, and know that this next hard thing, whatever it is, I’ll be able to handle it.
Today I’m so grateful for my little hideaway here in Australia with Bear. Our lovely little farm that has so many spots of peace and stillness and beauty.
This morning I went for a wander in the sunshine, capturing a few of the sun-drenched Autumn things I love.
The sunshine feels so good in Autumn. It doesn’t have that searing heat of Summer, but more of a cuddling warmth that makes me want to stay outside all day long and take naps in the hammock.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to get started looking for beauty. I get distracted by the piles of stuff to be sorted, the shed begging to be cleaned out, and the fence that needs to be mended. But once I put my mind to it, I start spotting things everywhere, and with each discovery my heart says, “See! I TOLD you!” And I grin and feel my world get bigger than the painful/scary/awful thing weighing me down.
I like that.
I also like working with my hands during times like this. Fear loses its strength when we take our attention away from it and focus on making good things.
My favorite good things today are homemade sun-dried tomatoes with capers. Mmm, they’re so lovely and so easy to make.
Since I have an abundance of flies around the farm (thanks, goats, dogs, and birds!), actually drying the tomatoes in the sunshine is not possible, so I use my oven. Simply wash, core, and halve the tomatoes, make a single layer on cookie sheets, and stick them in a cool oven (about 200-250 F) for 8-12 hours. Check them every few hours and rotate if necessary. Once they’re dry (I like mine pliable rather than crispy), layer them in a sterile glass jar with plump capers, then fill in all the cracks with a hearty drizzle of extra virgin olive oil. Make sure you keep a film of oil over the top of the tomatoes to keep them from spoiling. Leave them for a few weeks to mature and then fish them out to use in whatever you like. Don’t chuck the olive oil out! Use the richly tomato-flavored oil to fry onions and garlic or drizzle over veggies before roasting. Delicious.
What do you do to restore your courage after a scary situation? I’d love to hear your ideas.
XO
by Krista | Apr 20, 2013 | Bits 'n' Bobs
It has been a great week but an intense one of doctor visits, more medical tests, and making time for good things in the midst of it all.
By the time Friday rolled around I was more than ready for a homemade raspberry mojito. There’s something about the fresh lime, cool mint, and tart raspberries that can’t help but make you feel like you’re on a holiday filled with sunny afternoons and nothing to do but rest and amble. (I’ll be sharing the recipe over at Plum Deluxe soon.)
After one exhausting doctor visit I headed to the local park to walk along sun-dappled paths and let the Autumn sunshine work its soothing magic.
It was wonderful.
Golden leaves and glossy black berries crunched and popped underfoot as I strolled, stopping to soak up warmth in puddles of sunshine that filtered down through the canopy of trees.
I watched quail rooting through the leaves for tasty morsels and bats swooping from one tree to another before grasping a branch and dangling upside down with their mates.
I found a couple of benches in the shade of a ghost gum and parked myself there for a rest.
The sun felt so good, the warmth seeping into my very bones and making me feel hugged by sunlight. The glowing leaves danced on the breeze casting all sorts of interesting shadows around me.
Then it was time for a picnic. I’d brought a container of pasta that I learned how to make in Bologna, Italy from my friend Maddalena, and happily tucked in. It is simple yet delicious drizzled with olive oil and tossed with tuna, olives, and capers.
Then I spotted a weathered old picnic table and moseyed over there to write in my journal and have dessert – wine gums. Wine gums make me happy.
It was such a lovely reprieve, time to walk out any lingering anxieties and write out my thoughts and get back to a place of peace. I returned to regular life with greater clarity of thought and all sorts of creative ideas for recipes and articles and projects. I like that.
How has your week been? Do you have a place you go when you’re stressed? I’d love to hear about it.
by Krista | Apr 15, 2013 | Bits 'n' Bobs
Good morning, dear folks. It is so good to be back after a truly restorative break.
It has been a wonderful two weeks off the grid with gorgeous Autumn weather that is delicious for afternoon naps, long cuppas in the morning, and cozy evenings of popcorn and good movies.
I’ve been embracing my creative soul this holiday, indulging in painting, cooking, planting, preserving, designing, photography, sewing, and wood-burning.
It has been sheer bliss to lose myself in creating beautiful and delicious things for no other reason than they make me happy or enhance our life on the farm in some way.
I never cease to be amazed at how working with my hands allows my mind to wander freely, sorting things out at its leisure, working through all the kinks until the anxiety, fear, stress, and other negative feelings melt away. I love that.
Somehow with the urgency of work deadlines and health issues I’d let the priority of creative pursuit dwindle into near nothingness. I never want to do that again.
I’ve taken good, hard looks into my heart and schedule and goals and dreams and made changes that are already reaping benefits.
They’re not huge changes, just little investments in my own well-being that spill over into making me a better partner, friend, and co-worker.
Things like:
Exercising in some way each day: walks, hauling wood, sanding furniture, chasing animals, something that gets my heart rate up and breathing deeper and muscles working.
Drinking healing things: green tea with lemon and honey, coffee with cardamom, water with mint and lemon balm, fresh squeezed juices, and delectable things like coconut milk blended with fresh pineapple and pears. Bliss.
Resting: a ten minute nap in bed, laying in the hammock for 30 minutes, meditating quietly in the sunshine with eyes closed.
I love how these little things practiced over time make such a huge difference in the clarity of my thinking, the peacefulness of my heart, and the energy of my ol’ bones.
This morning we had breakfast on the back veranda as the sunshine filtered through the clouds and made everything soft and glowy. It was a bit chilly, but a pashmina wrapped around my shoulders made all the difference as we visited, sipped creamy cardamom coffee, and tucked into steaming bowls of cinnamon-spiced oatmeal with black currants, walnuts, honey, and milk. So nourishing and comforting.
What creative pursuits bring you the most happiness?
by Krista | Mar 29, 2013 | Bits 'n' Bobs
I am tired. That cozy, happy, worked-my-tail-off, kind of tired that makes you smile as you sink deep into a comfy chair, snuggle up under a blanket and eat popcorn. And sip port. And watch movies until you can’t stay awake one second longer.
I’ve been working so hard this week, trying to get all my important work done so I could have a break, a real break, over the Easter holidays. And I did it!!! All my articles are written and submitted, all the photo shoots done and edited, and I even got a head start on the mountain of fruit and veg I picked up at the market this week.
Today as I wrote feverishly to meet all my deadlines, I sipped sparkling mineral water mixed with homemade concord grape juice I bottled yesterday. It tastes more like an elixir than simple juice, so thick and rich and fragrant you’d swear it was boozy. Mmm.
We won’t be going anywhere for the holidays because we have all sorts of plans for fixing up the farm and making an office space for me (insert squeals of excitement here!!!) and gardening and a new paddock for the goats and all those sorts of fun work things.
But it will be a wonderful break nonetheless, a break from writing and editing and computerish stuff, from deadlines and assignments and the juggling of many responsibilities.
For the next two weeks I’m just going to be Krista, or “Poppit” as I’m known over here. I’m going to work on my own small piece of the world, organizing and cleaning and sorting and nesting my little heart out.
I’ve been pouring over pictures of places I have visited and loved, trying to see if I can incorporate their warmth and welcoming natures into this dear place of ours.
Like this farmhouse outside Alba, Italy. I love the rambling vines and the overgrown terrace that is such a lovely spot for sunset-watching with a glass of wine, or an alfresco dinner party with dear friends.
This Italian farmhouse kitchen. How I love it. The rich, vivid paint colors, the old bricks, wood timbers, soft light. Wonderful. I’d like to do an outdoor version of this some day with a tiled floor and appliances hidden behind old wooden doors.
And this enchanting reading corner in a beautiful old Italian library. (You can see more of my photos of this exquisite hunting lodge here.)
It is one of the most endearing spaces I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been collecting bits and pieces to create my own version here on the farm.
I’m so glad that we get to dream, to linger over beautiful images that capture the things we crave: companionship, health, peace. It is good.
What do some of your dreams look like?
Wishing you a very happy Easter and spring holiday. I will see you again mid-April!
xo
by Krista | Mar 28, 2013 | Bits 'n' Bobs
It’s not often that I thank Bear profusely for being late (particularly since it’s usually ME who’s tardy!), but yesterday morning I couldn’t help myself.
We were heading to town for a fancy-shmancy breakfast date at McDonald’s when he remembered something back at the house. He parked in the driveway and hoofed it back to do his errand and I climbed out of the car to stretch my legs.
Then stopped.
And stared.
At this.
As far as I could see, fields were turned into dancing waves of gold by the rising sun.
I felt like I’d been transported from our simple little farm to a fairyland where the meadows were made of spun glass in burnished copper, bronze, and gold.
I was speechless and could only laugh and sigh in utter delight as the sun rose higher and the grasses grew brighter, seeming to glow from within.
I spotted a tiny, fluffy dandelion hidden down in the darkness where the sun couldn’t penetrate, and had to bring him up into the light where he could sparkle and glimmer too.
I’ve carried the brilliance of those moments with me ever since, returning to these images over and over again, reveling in the delicious sense of well-being and warmth they impart.
What images or words do you keep returning to this week? I’d love to hear about them. 🙂
by Krista | Mar 26, 2013 | Bits 'n' Bobs
It’s a quiet evening at home, a lovely, cozy one with bowls of homemade soup, nips of dark chocolate, and a smidgen of homemade sour plum vodka.
It’s amazing how precious peaceful moments are after turmoil, isn’t it?
It’s been a rough few weeks as I officially entered the “angry phase” of healing from PTSD. I’m told this is an essential and normal part of healing, but I’m not enjoying it one bit. It’s been so unsettling and scary for me. I spent my whole life suppressing all forms of anger, even healthy anger in response to abuse and bullying and neglect. Now I’m having to learn how to let myself feel anger but not be controlled by it.
Not easy, I tell ya. I feel like I’m in constant battle mode, working through these waves of anger, yet trying not to let them overflow and touch the people close to me. It doesn’t always work, and I have felt anything but loveable (more along the lines of utterly dreadful!), wanting instead to hide myself away until this phase is done and dusted. Have you ever felt that way?
Sometimes, when we go through times like this, our negative aspects tend to loom far larger than our good ones, making us feel like the very worst version of ourselves. When we feel unlovable, it is so much harder to love others, to be creative, to build goodness into our lives.
Here are a few things that are helping me work through this:
- Be an observer of my feelings, not a judge. I’m learning that my feelings are not me, they’re just something I’m feeling. And they will pass. They always pass. Once the emotional intensity of the feeling is gone, it’s so much easier to deal with the issues precipitating it.
- Find healthy ways to express negative emotions. For me, it’s writing, writing, writing. When I give the anger (or fear or insecurity) a voice, it takes the emotional power away. It also helps to talk it through with trusted people.
- Invest in myself. I’m learning that while there are some things I can’t control, I do whatever it takes to look after my well-being. That ranges from relaxation exercises, meditation, and sunshine to outdoor walks, healthy eating, and reading things that assure, comfort, and strengthen.
- Love the people in my life. Send an email, write a text, make a phone call, give a big squeezy hug, and let them know how much they mean to me.
- Make time for creativity. When I’m feeling wretched inside, it does me so much good to cook, draw, paint, sew, garden, and take pictures.
Today I read some inspiring words, went for a long sunny walk with the goats, and made quince liqueur. It was my first time using quinces and I was delighted by the delicious scent and how sunny and bright they look in the clear glass jar. With sweet fruits you don’t need too add much sugar, but with quinces, it is essential. I can’t wait to taste it in two months time.
How do you help yourself get through difficult phases of your life?
Quince Liqueur Recipe
Ingredients:
2-3 ripe quinces
1/2 cup simple syrup (1/2 cup white or raw sugar, 1/2 cup water, heated until sugar is dissolved)
1/4 tsp vanilla or almond or cinnamon extract
1-1.5 cups vodka
Directions:
- Scrub quince free of dust and fuzz. Halve, core, and cut into slices.
- Fill sterilized jar with quince slices.
- Pour over simple syrup, extra, and top off with vodka.
- Seal jar and let liqueur steep in a cool, dark place for two months.
- When ready, strain and serve chilled.
