by Krista | Jun 17, 2011 | Fabulous Friday
Good morning, dear ones. It’s with great joy that I tell you I have my plane ticket and I’m moving to Amsterdam next month!!
I will be visiting my brother and future sis-in-law for the summer helping get ready for their wedding in Italy and getting restored in body and spirit before moving to Australia this fall.
I am so excited to see them and hug them tight and get cozy on the couch for good long talks.
While in Amsterdam I will continue my freelance writing assignments as well as work on a series of cookbooks to share with you dear folks. It will be so nice to have my bro and sis as guinea pigs for my experiments in the kitchen.
I will also do as much exploring as possible. I can’t wait to take you with me (vicariously at least!) along the canals and streets of Amsterdam and the Netherlands. If all goes well, I also hope to spend time with dear friends in Germany, and I will share those adventures with you too.
Mostly I’m looking forward to being safe with people I love, spoiling them with good meals when they get home from work, and building memories together in this wonderful city.
In the meantime, there is much to be done: paperwork, selling most of my belongings and shipping the few things I need to start my new life in Australia.
I had to laugh today because, wouldn’t you know it, the day I get my ticket and have a mile-long to-do list I fall and sprain my ankle!!! Yeesh. I have impeccable timing. 🙂
Thank you so much for loving me and cheering me on through this very difficult year. You’ve shared my heartaches and pain and I’m SO glad we now get to celebrate good things.
Love you dearly. xo
by Krista | Jun 10, 2011 | Fabulous Friday
Hello, luvs! Isn’t it a wonder, after a long phase of fear, grief and pain, to wake up and realize that you feel happy again? That smiles and laughter come without you forcing them? That you’re bravely doing things that only weeks before had you shaking in fright?
That’s what this week has been for me. A good, wonderful, surprising thing. And it makes me smile.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes when awful things happen and bad people hurt me, or illness wracks my body and I lose people I love, when the stresses of life seem to pile up higher and higher, I make things even worse by turning a magnifying glass on myself, quickly finding weaknesses and faults. Soon I’m questioning my worth, doubting my ability to make good decisions, and end up a puddle overwhelmed by fear and false guilt.
What. A. Mess.
Thankfully I’m getting better. 🙂 Those “puddle moments” aren’t as frequent and don’t last so long. I’m retraining myself to respond in healthy, positive ways and they’re becoming second nature instead of thoughts so foreign I don’t even know where to begin. That is lovely. 🙂
Thank you to so many of you who’ve written to tell me your stories of survival from assault and abuse. I cried with you, wanted to beat up the bad guys for you, and didn’t feel alone anymore. I hate that we go through wretched things in this world, but I’m so glad we have each other to provide comfort and hope along the way. I sure love you guys and wish I could hug you tight.
I’ve been thinking a lot about courage lately. It’s a word usually associated with great acts, mighty feats of bravery, but I’ve come to match it up with much different things:
- my friend M who is starting her own business even though she’s in constant physical pain and afraid of failure.
- my friend K who roasts marshmallows and makes jewelry even though she’s reeling from the death of her dad and the abandonment of her husband.
- my fellow cult-survivors who are going public with their stories even though they’re scared, just so they can rescue and protect others still trapped in that awful place.
- my friend J who plants gorgeous gardens even though she’s achingly lonely so far away from all her children and extended family.
- my friend E who moved to Greece to build a beautiful life for her two children after escaping an abusive husband.
- my friend B who plays with her little girl even though she’s grieving the loss of her twins.
- my other friend B who takes pictures of beautiful things even though she can barely function after chemotherapy.
- my married friends who are going to counseling even though they’re scared, because they know they’re worth fighting for.
I love this sort of courage, the kind of bravery that chooses to LIVE when even life itself seems be trying to make us give up.
What is your act of courage today? I’d love to hear about it. Your courage gives me strength.
Wishing you a beautiful weekend, dear ones.
Much love,
Krista
xo
by Krista | Jun 3, 2011 | Fabulous Friday
Good morning, luvs. 🙂
I have missed you SO much! My poor computer has been at death’s door since last weekend so I haven’t been able to post a thing, but my dear friend Darren fiddled with it until all hours last night and managed to bring it back from the brink. Hooray!
How are YOU doing? I can’t wait to get back to your lovely emails and blog posts and status updates and get all caught up on your lives. 🙂
I’m doing better each day since my awful encounter with The Bad Man. Doing One Brave Thing a day has helped tremendously in building my courage and taking back the peace of mind he snatched from me. This week we were finally able to get some information on him and I’ll be talking with the police again today to see what the next step is.
I get scared and overwhelmed often, but I’m bouncing back quicker and that makes me glad. I’m not so good with crowds yet, but I’ve worked up from hiding in my room to one-on-one to going out in public to going out in public BY MYSELF – to small groups, and I think that’s something to celebrate. 🙂
During my bad moments I remember a scene from an episode of Bones I watched a few months ago. Brennan had gone through an awful day, a wretched day filled with trauma and pain, and as she came back to the office that night, she ran into the night watch man, a kindly older fellow.
He asked how she was doing and she stopped, thought a moment and replied, “I’m sad.”
He smiled gently then said, “Mmm, that’s so much better than being dead.”
I wanted to hug him. 🙂
So I’m celebrating LIFE. I may be scared and uncertain and uprooted and shaken, but I’m alive. The Bad Man may have taken away my sense of peace and security for a while, he may have instilled fear in me for a time, but he did not take my Life or my Soul or my Hope.
And that is good. 🙂
Despite all the hard stuff, there have been some wonderful moments this week:
- My cooking club friends helped me get all moved out of my old place
- my friend Kat read aloud to me from a hilarious book that had us in stitches
- dinner and British TV with dear friends
- gummi bears and movie night
- comfort food: grilled cheese sandwiches and barbequed hot dogs with mustard
- Jeeves and Wooster audio books
I’m also excited because I’ve started doing photo shoots! Like a yarn one for my dear friend Marie – a wonder-knitter who is starting her own fabulous knitting blog Knitting the Moment.
Today I get to do a chess photo shoot for my boss at Chess House. I’m having such a grand time and learning all sorts of things. 🙂
What are some good things in your life today?
Thank you so much for your emails, hugs, prayers, good thoughts, love, and care you’ve showered on me. You mean the world to me.
xo
by Krista | May 27, 2011 | Fabulous Friday
When we are afraid we ought not to occupy ourselves with endeavoring to prove that there is no danger,
but in strengthening ourselves to go on in spite of the danger.
– M. Rutherford –
I have been afraid this week.
Afraid when I try to sleep at night.
Afraid when I have to leave the safety of my friends’ home.
Afraid when I drive to work by myself.
I think I’m mostly afraid because the cops have not found the man who tried to assault me last week.
For the first few days I told myself it would all be OK as soon as the cops found him. But as days turned into a week and there was still no word, I realized I might have to be brave without assurance of safety from this predator.
And I hate that.
It doesn’t seem fair that the perverse man who shattered my peace with obscene acts and vile words gets away, and I am left crying myself to sleep and looking over my shoulder any time I leave the house.
It isn’t fair.
But it is my reality.
Tuesday I was feeling weak, scared and so anxious. I didn’t know what to do until I thought of the One Small Thing lesson I had learned the previous week. I remembered that even at my worst I can do One Small Thing.
So I decided to try to rebuild my courage by doing One Brave Thing each day. Just one.
Day One: I went back to work. When I got there my boss let me know they had locked down the whole building and would do whatever it took to make me safe and secure.
Day Two: I went to the library by myself and saw strangers who were normal, kind and cheerful. There are still good, trustworthy people in this world.
Day Three: I went to see my counselor. Instead of talking about how to strengthen myself to face that man in court, we talked about how to strengthen myself in case I never get that chance. Then we devised a Plan of Attack should he ever show his face again. It makes me smile to think of it. For the first time in my life I’ve been encouraged to make a scene in public. 🙂
One Brave Thing each day has done much to strengthen my heart and loosen the grip fear has had on me. I still have my bad moments and probably will for a while, but I’m getting better each day, and that is something worth celebrating.
Thank you so much for all your kind emails, phone calls, text messages, and tweets this week.
You gave me comfort when I was hurting so deeply.
You gave me courage when I was too scared to even think straight.
You gave me hope that this darkness would pass and life would be good again.
Thank you.
Much love and big, squeezy hugs to you.
XO
One day at a time–this is enough.
Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone;
and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.
Live in the present,
and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.
– Unknown –
by Krista | May 19, 2011 | Fabulous Friday
Hello dear ones! We’ve had two whole days of glorious sunshine in Washington after record-breaking rains. Needless to say we’re just a wee bit ecstatic over here.
The sidewalks are filled with Moms and Dads pushing strollers, elderly couples holding hands, and kids laughing and jostling one another.
The squirrels in my yard are practically giddy! I’ve never seen them so animated, chasing each other up tree trunks, skidding through the pine needles, chattering a mile a minute.
I’ve spent many a happy moment sipping blueberry juice, nibbling spiced cookies shaped like windmills (have I mentioned I live in a Dutch town?), and soaking up sunshine.
On my breaks at work I stroll through nearby neighborhoods, smiling and nodding at folks who wonder why a sundress-clad girl is wandering through their back alley. For the record, neighborhoods are MUCH more interesting when viewed from a back alley. Here you get to see real life: cute old men planting their gardens, kids on their tummies coloring on the pavement, and white-haired ladies gossiping animatedly in the church parking lot.
The yard below is one of my favorites. It’s wilder and more free-spirited than most places, with vines twisting through the white-picket fence and a bright red door that makes me happy.
I made myself a window seat yesterday, a rather splendid perch from which I can look out at my sunshiny, green world and be at rest. Even when I’m not sitting in it I like to see it there waiting for me.
What are you up to this weekend? I’ve been invited to an End of the World Party and that makes me smile. What better way to face prophesied doomsday than an evening with dear friends eating scrumptious food, watching great movies, and having all sorts of good talks?
Wherever you are and whatever you’re up to, I wish you good sleeps and sunny days.
xo
by Krista | May 12, 2011 | Fabulous Friday
When this week started I felt exhausted, emotionally wrung out, gutted by pain and grief in my life and the lives of so many I love and those I don’t even know.
It was one of those moments when I wanted all the hurt in the world to please just stop, for a day, a few hours even, just to let us all catch our breath before we have to go back to dealing with tsunamis and job loss and death of people we love and illnesses that don’t heal and stillborn babies and broken relationships and abuse and war.
I just wanted a break for my friend who suffers the agonies of scoliosis every day, for my Mum and aunts shuttling back and forth between my grandfather dying in one hospital and my uncle desperately ill in another, for my friend grieving the loss of her father and her twin babies, for the families waiting for soldiers who will never come home.
I wanted to fix it, ease all the burdens, take away all the pain. But there’s too much and I’m not big enough.
So I cried. And slept. And woke Monday morning. And went to work. And turned on my computer. And there I read these words:
Do one small thing.
One. Small. Thing.
And I smiled and took a deep breath and felt the peace that comes when you remember you don’t have to carry it all.
I’m not built to shoulder the burdens of the world, but I can do one small thing.
Write a letter.
Give a hug.
Send a text.
Say I love you.
Make a meal.
Cry with her.
Thank him.
Just sit quietly and hold their hand.
And as I thought of all the small things I could do, I remembered the many small things others have done for me: a book in the mail, a bowl of strawberries, texted pictures of their kissable babies, those lovely little things that comfort and cheer and remind you that you matter.
I smiled again as I remembered another little thing: a balloon.
My friend Marie gave it to me.
A beautiful shiny turquoise balloon to remind me I was loved when I was deathly sick from Ecoli.
She gave it to me in February and it is STILL FLOATING.
I call it my Wonder Balloon.
I wake up every morning, open my bedroom door and there it is, bobbing along to the gusts of air from my heater. And it makes me smile.
It’s such a plucky balloon. The best balloon I ever had.
It’s withered and rumpled and half deflated, but it still keeps floating, still keeps dancing on the breeze.
It was just one small thing, but every day it gives me courage.
What is one small thing someone did for you when you were going through a rough time?
I hope you have a wonderful weekend, dear ones. Much love to you. xo
