Nightmares, A Cult and A Beautiful Life

by Krista | Mar 11, 2010 | Plucky Thursday

I don’t like waking myself up screaming.

I don’t like awakening with a start, shaking, gasping before realizing with relief that my family is not dead, I am not being tortured by Nazi’s, I am not trapped in a tall building with bad guys hunting me down.

I do like that the more my life is filled with real love, real happiness, real peace, those nightmares are fewer and farther between.

As a girl I found myself in a religious cult, far from nurturing family and friends, trapped in a 10-story former hotel in Indianapolis where I would be worked 17-20 hours a day with no pay, no holidays and no breaks save for a few hours early Saturday morning when I was allowed outside in the parking lot to play volleyball in a long skirt with tennis shoes. It was the highlight of my week. 🙂

During the day I would have my “ministry smile” firmly affixed to my face, so afraid to appear anything other than radiantly happy lest I be accused of a rebellious spirit and sent to solitary confinement in a room void of furniture where I would be isolated on bread and water until my “heart changed.”

I smiled when they said I was worth nothing and only good as a servant. I smiled when they would take away our food on Sundays and lock the kitchen so we could “free our minds from distraction and focus on God.” I smiled when they tried to break me by demoting me to scrubbing toilets and folding laundry for ten or more hours a day.

But at night, safe behind the locked door of my room I would cry, wondering what was wrong with me that made me so unlovable to the people who ran that place.Why did they look for opportunities to publicly humiliate me, discipline me harshly, isolate me from all who loved me and saw value in me? It got so bad that even a few in leadership positions would wait for a rare moment when I was alone, whisper how sorry they were, explain with tears that there was nothing they could do, then hustle off before anyone saw them. They’ll never know how much those secret messages meant to me.

Looking back now I should’ve called my parents at the first sign of abuse and asked them to get me out of there. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. Two things the leadership drilled into me: 1 – if I truly loved God I would want to encourage my parent’s hearts by only giving them good news. 2 – if I tried to get out of a painful situation, God would only put me in a worse one so I could learn the lessons He had for me. They’re both lies, of course, I see that now, but back then, they were an effective tool to keep me terrified and silent. My situation was bad enough, the thought of something worse awaiting me if I tried to leave was beyond reckoning. So I stayed. Said nothing.

Somewhere in those years I found comfort in reading about the Holocaust. I devoured every story I could get my hands on (biographies were allowed in that place, novels were verboten), finding solace in the stories of people who had been through so much worse than me. It made me brave, strong, able to face my persecutors each day. I’ve carried those books with me ever since, just seeing them on shelves was a reminder that I could do it, I could make it, I could overcome anything those wretched people did to me and my friends.

But when I was packing up to move last month, I had the strangest feeling wash over me as I looked at those books.  I smiled as I realized, I don’t need them any more.

I am free from that place.
I am at peace.
I am dearly loved.
I am stronger every day both in spirit and in the body they broke down.
I am happy, so happy, with the dearest friends and family a girl could ever hope for.

So I packed them up to give away. Perhaps they’ll provide strange comfort for someone else.

I still have a nightmare now and then. Usually when I’m working through some particularly painful memory from those years. But now I have people I can call, who remind me that I’m no longer trapped, no longer abused, no longer stuck in a place void of love, hope and peace.

I am free.

Home Sweet Home

by Krista | Mar 4, 2010 | Plucky Thursday

Tonight is my first night in my new apartment! I’m surrounded by boxes and cockeyed furniture and piles of pillows and I’m happy as can be. 🙂

Mums and I organized my kitchen on my lunch break, then she and Pa surprised me by working like troopers this afternoon hauling load after load from one place to other while I was at work. I couldn’t believe it!! There’s still much to be done but wow, they eased my burden tremendously. Then my friend Jon brought his truck around to cart over the way-too-heavy-for-me things – yay! Mid-packing Pa brought us burgers and that gave us the burst of energy we needed to accomplish our top three goals for this evening:

1. Assemble the bed.
2. Find my clothes. 🙂
3. Clear one counter.

Now everyone is gone and the house is quiet save for the ticking of the clock. I’m back at my old place, clearing out my fridge and freezer, collecting toiletries and writing to you dear folks. 🙂

I’m afraid I have no lovely recipes to share, but I do have some pictures from around my new place. 🙂 I hope they delight you. 🙂

Awards, Sunshine and Roasted Veggie Salad with Lime Cilantro Vinaigrette

by Krista | Feb 25, 2010 | Plucky Thursday

Since getting in my car accident a couple of weeks back, I’m afraid I’ve fallen utterly behind on some important things. Three of those are awards given to me by some amazing women who always delight and inspire me with their blogs. My response has been delayed, but today is the day! Time for acknowledgment, gratitude, and passing on the love. 🙂

The first is the TAQ Photography Award from my friend Chaya at Sweet and Savory Says It All. Chaya is a loving, cozy lady who is constantly whipping up delicious and gluten-free dishes for her hubby and family. She is so encouraging and kind, and helped me immeasurably when I first started blogging. Thank you SO much, Chaya! 🙂

Now I get to pass the award along to 6 other bloggers whose photography I love, then I’m supposed to share some of my own favorite photos with you.

Justin Pearson – he did absolutely gorgeous photos of my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding
Emblem Photography – my uber-talented cousins, Dustin and Christy
Mae Chapman Photography – I love my friend Rebekah’s wonderful retro images
Leslie Pearson – my talented artist friend Leslie, who records her stunning artwork through video and stills
Morning Light In My Room – Yvette has the most dreamy photos, all from within the confines of her room
Passage Paradis – I just discovered her and love her documentations of her travels.

I’ll share two photos with you. One that makes my heart peaceful and one that makes me want to go exploring. 🙂

Second is the Creativer Writer Blogger Award from a dear Portuguese lass at VanillaStrawberrySpringFields. She has been an amazing support and daily cheerleader. Her warm heart and loving nature delight all who know her. Thank you so much, dear Vanilla girl! 🙂

Third is the Sunshine Award from my new friend Sarah at Maison Cupcake. I love her weekly Postcard posts from her jaunts around Europe, and her scrumptious macarons and other delectables are simply dreamy. Thank you muchly, dear Sarah! 🙂

Earlier this week I was so happy to have three whole days of glorious sunshine! My apartment is so situated that I get the full benefit of afternoon sun without any of the icy wind. Hooray! I spent many a happy hour resting my injured self, laying in the sunshine reading great books, taking naps or just enjoying the peaceful do-nothingness of the day.

Then I was starving hungry and turned to one of my favorite summery recipes: Roasted Veggie Salad with Lime Cilantro Vinaigrette. I tossed artichoke hearts, fresh green beans and corn with olive oil, salt and pepper, and dried cilantro, spread them on a cookie sheet and roasted 20-30 minutes until they were beautifully caramelized with lovely crispy bits.

Then I tossed everything together with shredded chicken and a lime cilantro vinaigrette. Eaten warm or cold, it is my wintry culinary homage to summer. 🙂

Roasted Veggie Salad with Lime Cilantro Vinaigrette

Salad Ingredients:

Big handful fresh green beans, remove strings and cut in 2 inch pieces
2 cups fresh, frozen or canned corn
1 can quartered artichoke hearts, packed in water
1/4 cup olive oil
2 garlic cloves, peeled and minced
1 cup shredded chicken

Salad Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
2. In separate bowls, toss vegetables with olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic. Arrange on baking sheet and roast 20-30 minutes, stirring every 15 minutes to prevent burning. 
3. Set aside to cool. 
4. Combine with chicken and vinaigrette. Serve warm or cold.

Vinaigrette Ingredients:

1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
Juice of 3 limes
1 Tbsp Dijon mustard
1/2 tsp salt
ground pepper to taste
1/3 cup olive oil

Vinaigrette Directions:

1. Combine everything but olive oil. 
2. Add oil in stead stream, whisking until well incorporated. 
3. Pour over salad and toss until evenly coated.

It Was A Dark and Stormy Night

by Krista | Feb 18, 2010 | Plucky Thursday

It really was. Rain poured down in Seattle as I drove along 1-5 Friday night to spend the weekend with my pal Trish and her hubby. Aside from the weather it had been a lovely trip. I listened to Old Time Radio Suspense mysteries, scaring myself silly, and noshed on a 99 cent cheeseburger from Wendy’s. As I got to Seattle I devoted my attention to the road – people get crazy there, whipping across four lanes of traffic with nary a thought for those behind or before. Alas, I was not attentive enough, for suddenly a white van cut me off, slammed on his brakes and I smashed right into him. Sigh. Not the ideal start to my weekend.

Thankfully everyone was OK and in a daze I got all the right information, climbed back into my car and promptly burst into tears. 🙂 I felt the familiar pain creep up my back and neck and thought, “Oh dear, here we go again.” This is Accident Number 10, you see. Only one of which was my fault. People just like to plow into me whether I’m parked, a passenger or driving past as someone exits the wrong way from a one-way street. Heavens. 🙂

Trish and Todd took very good care of me, giving me an entire couch to myself, cozy blankets, pain pills, lovely drinks to relax my muscles, and we ended up having a perfectly lazy weekend of movies, Olympics, reading, visiting, good food, and naps.

I wasn’t able to get into a doctor until Tuesday, and I was absolutely miserable. Turns out I had good reason. Doc said I have the worst case of whiplash you can get without actually fracturing something. My whole right side is a mess of torn ligaments, swollen and inflamed. Even my jaw is amiss, making it painful to yawn, talk (a blessing in disguise? ;-)) and eat. On the bright side nothing is cut or broken and that is definitely something to be grateful for. 🙂 My chiropractor is helping greatly with massages and adjustments, I’m icing faithfully, downing Advil like there’s no tomorrow, and taking short walks to keep stiffness at bay. I went back to work yesterday and hopefully I’ll be back to my active self before too long. 🙂

Thank you so much for all the wonderful emails, tweets, comments, and love you’ve sent my way. 🙂 Every message has cheered and comforted me.

I’m afraid I haven’t done much cooking this week and have precious little to share with you. 🙂 With my jaw all gimpy I’ve been sticking with soft food: plain organic yogurt with apple sauce and vanilla, scrambled eggs, and one of my all-time favorite soups, Creamy Carrot with Fresh Dill from my all-time favorite cookbook “Once Upon A Tart.”

It’s so simple and homey, the dill providing freshness and spark to the cozy comfort of carrot, potato and onion. Best of all for me, it’s pureed and very easy to eat. 🙂

The “real” recipe calls for specific things like fresh dill, chicken broth and a certain number of carrots. I didn’t have all that, so I added an extra potato for bulk, substituted beef broth for chicken and added dried dill to the stock instead of fresh dill at the end. The beef broth makes it darker and not so pretty, but the flavor is marvy anyway. 🙂

Creamy Carrot Soup with Fresh Dill
(From Once Upon A Tart)

Ingredients:

1 big yellow onion, coarsely chopped
1 Tbsp unsalted butter
1 Tbsp olive oil
2 pounds medium carrots (8-10), peeled and coarsely chopped
1 big russet potato, peeled and diced
4 cups vegetable or chicken stock
1/4 cup chopped fresh dill, plus more to top the soup
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/2 cup light cream

Directions:

1. Saute the onion in the butter and oil in a large soup pot over high heat, stirring occasionally. Lower the heat if you see the onion browning. When the onion has begun to reduce in volume, about 5-10 minutes, lower the heat and continue cooking for 10-15 more minutes, until it is tender and translucent. 
2. Add the carrots and potato and cook for 15-20 minutes, until some of the potato pieces begin to brown slightly. 
3. Add the stock and bring to a boil over high heat. Lower the heat and simmer for 30-40 minutes, until the carrots are soft enough to mash against the side of the soup pot with a fork or wooden spoon.
4. remove the soup from the heat to puree. If you’re using an immersion blender, you can puree the soup in the pot. Otherwise, wait a few minutes, until soup cools, and blend in food processor. 
5. Return pureed soup to the soup pot. Stir in dill, salt, pepper and cream, and warm the soup over medium heat before serving. This soup should be thick, but not so thick that your spoon stands up in it. Add more cream or stock to thin it. Serve warm and top with chopped fresh dill.

A Bit o’ Rain

by Krista | Feb 11, 2010 | Plucky Thursday

After days of glorious sunshine, our beautiful Washington rain is back, gentle and refreshing. Even though we still have frost on our windshields in the morning, it feels like spring is so close! On my morning break at work, I stroll through the neighborhoods of the little Dutch town where my office is located. Yesterday I meandered through back alleys and down side streets, delighting in budding branches, twittering birds and the first greens of spring. There are actually snowdrops blooming! And crocuses!

Tonight my dear friend Kat is coming over for dinner (yay!!) and because she loves veggies as much as I do, I’ve been plotting some marvy vegetarian dishes such as Kevin’s Balsamic Roasted Brussells Sprouts with Toasted Pine Nuts and Mum’s Green Bean Salad with Feta and Basil. I think Latte Gelatin will do nicely for dessert. 🙂

Today I want to share some of the beauties of rainy Washington. 🙂 There is an abundance of new growth in my heart these days, and these pictures delight my soul and remind me that after a hard winter the healing rains come and what seems dead is in fact green and full of life.

Thank you for bringing joy to my life, dear ones. 🙂

Snowflakes and Rain Showers

by Krista | Feb 4, 2010 | Plucky Thursday

It was a dark and stormy afternoon – we have those now and then in Washington. 🙂 I got home on lunch break, pulled up the shades to let a bit of light in and there were snowflakes! Stuck there by my roommmate Robyn. 🙂 Aren’t they cheery?

I’ve been bed-ridden so much lately that I simply had to post some pictures of my beautiful Washington. Just looking at them makes me FEEL like I’ve been out and about. 🙂

Sigh. I feel better already. 🙂

Sometimes in the middle of winter I crave summer. I know you couldn’t tell from all the hot, sunny photos I’ve been posting lately. 🙂 Well, I’ve also been craving summery foods, light, bright and packed with flavor. Like this noodle salad.

I picked up some lovely mung bean noodles – something I’d never cooked with before.

I love how they go all glassy and silvery when they’re cooked.

I added scallions…

…cilantro…

…and some thinly sliced yellow bell pepper, then made a quick vinaigrette of freshly squeezed lime and orange juices, sesame oil and a bit of kosher salt and pepper.

It suited my craving beautifully. 🙂