by Krista | Sep 16, 2016 | Spring
It’s dark and cold this morning as rain continues to fall, luscious and cool, making our farm vibrant green.
My garden has gone wild with all this water. Hollyhocks are as tall as I am, dill weed flowering beautifully, pea and bean vines shooting up inches every day. It’s amazing what growth a good rain produces.
I’m tired but peaceful after a wildly busy week filled with new clients and meetings, butchering and gardening, photo shoots and writing. It’s been good, so good, but I’m knackered, and today I’m taking a little break to let my body rest and thoughts settle.
Yesterday, between downpours, I did a photo shoot for Plum Deluxe. They’re launching a gorgeous new magazine and asked to feature me in their premier issue. I was both thrilled and terrified. Thrilled because I love the Plum Deluxe team so much – a more supportive and real and loving group I cannot imagine – terrified because I’m overweight and sick, and the thought of capturing that version of me for posterity brought forth all the insecure and shame-filled feelings and fears.
I wanted to hide, to say no, to ask them to please wait until I felt and looked like “me” again. But I couldn’t do it. That wouldn’t have been loving to this amazing body of mine that has carried me through hell and back, that keeps on going no matter what awfulness I’ve gone through. I looked at my broad hips and rounded belly and thought, “I can’t let shame win anymore.”
So I said yes.
And I asked Bear to help me because even when we’re brave, we don’t have to be brave alone.
He stayed out there with me, taking pictures of rigid me, scared me, grieving me, until we got a picture of Me Me. Me with tired but peaceful eyes, with chubby arms and ample bottom and a real, honest-to-goodness smile. I surrounded myself with things that make me happy – Russian tea set from my brother, kumquats from a dear friend, a bouquet of herbs, veggies, and flowers from my garden – and was at rest knowing that even now, when my body is still recovering from the bad stuff, I am loved.
I can’t wait for the magazine to come out because I’m going to cherish that picture forever, letting it be a reminder that no matter what we look like, no matter how we feel, we’re always worth loving, worth befriending, worth celebrating.
I’m so glad I said yes.
Wishing you the assurance of your worth today. xo
by Krista | Sep 7, 2016 | Spring
“Power, true power, comes from the belief in true things,
and the willingness to stand behind that belief,
even if the universe itself conspires to thwart your plans.
Chaos may settle; flames may die; worlds may rise and fall.
But true things will remain so, and will never fail to guide you to your goals.”
James A. Owen, “Here There Be Dragons”
It’s been so good to read again during my recovery from a wolf spider bite. To sit on the veranda under a blanket, or snuggle down in bed with a cup of tea nearby. I’m rereading the Imaginarium Geographica series and enjoying it immensely. As I read through various adventures, the above quote leapt out at me:
“Power, true power, comes from the belief in true things.”
I grew up in a world where everyone knew The Truth. This was rather comforting and assuring until I got out into the larger world and discovered there were many people who also knew The Truth. Unfortunately for my sense of wellbeing, The Truth looked vastly different from person to person and group to group. Each Truth was defended vehemently whilst all others were decried and dismissed as lies and deceptions. It all became a confused muddle and for awhile there, I couldn’t believe in anything because nothing made sense.
For awhile that unbelief was deep comfort to me, a respite from wrestling and wondering, studying and agonizing. I could just be and look and wonder and discover and think. It was exquisite. As my soul and mind and body healed, I was able to start adding things to my treasure trove of thoughts: luminous ideas, stories, and ideals, things that supported what I cherish most.
I love the line “belief in true things” because it’s not limited to one dogma or creed, it’s a beautiful gathering of truths, collected one by one from experiences and observations and myths and songs and poems, nature and humanity, history and folklore until they form a precious assortment of truths that ground and fortify and inspire me each day.
As I talked with my counsellor this morning, we were both a bit teary at the wonder of being able to gather truths to our souls, to pluck them like flowers and hold them close, letting them breathe comfort and courage and strength into every part of us, watching in amazement as they heal the broken parts, soothe the weary ones, and give courage to the shaken pieces. How lucky we humans are to get to shrug (or pry!) off old lies that shame and cripple, and take on truths that nourish all the good things in us so we can thrive.
Bear and I were talking this week about betrayal, rejection, loss, and how destabilizing they are, how they unsettle and disconcert. We’ve seen anew that the way for us to face them is twofold: be yourself and believe true things.
Be yourself. Believe true things.
I’ve been mulling those two thoughts over and over this week, and they’ve brought me such peace and good purpose. We’ve had such fun being ourselves, spending hours doing things that make us happy and make our lives better.
I made strawberry lemon shortbread with strawberry liqueur and bush lemon zest and he restored an old chest of drawers.
I bottled 150 litres of apple and plum wine, he made a new drafting table for his workshop.
I weeded gardens and harvested ginormous turnips and beetroots, he designed and built new frames and feeders for the goose pens.
In between we hung out together, fixing up my bicycle, chatting on the veranda, checking on our baby animals. We read and snoozed and worked like mad, and loved it all.
Be yourself. Believe true things. Such good thoughts to carry with me on this oh-so-blustery day.
by Krista | Sep 3, 2016 | Spring
I’m on the veranda this morning, wrapped tightly in a warm red blanket as cold winds howl though the trees sending anything lightweight hurtling across the farm yard. Animals are huddled close out of the gale, keeping each other warm, and I’m thankful that all my newly planted spring seeds and seedlings are cozy and safe in my straw bale greenhouse.
I’m on day six of recovery from a venomous wolf spider bite, taking heart that experts say these dreadful symptoms should only last ten days. Although the symptoms have been wretched, I’ve really enjoyed my enforced downtime as I’ve napped, rested, read, watched a new season of Murdoch Mysteries, and planned things with Bear.
Before I got really sick, we were staying with our friend Sue and woke Monday morning to this beautiful sight.
I love visiting Sue. She always makes us feel thoroughly loved and spoiled with all sorts of little surprises, from newly picked flowers and homemade blueberry wine to buckets of jaboticaba fruit and the most wonderful breakfasts held in brilliant morning sunshine. If you have to be bitten by a wolf spider, her house is a marvellous place to start your recovery.
We were also able to visit our friend Oma, an experience which never fails to put huge smiles on our faces. She taught me how to make what she calls Hungarian Hodgepodge. We fried up garlic, fresh red capsicum, tomatoes, and her homemade prosciutto, then poached chicken and duck eggs in that savoury lusciousness. Such a marvellous dish on a cold rainy day, especially when served with homemade bread and butter followed by small glasses of her potent homemade cherry brandy.
We swapped seeds and sipped cherry liqueur and made plans to butcher a pig when I’m better so we can fill our freezers and larders with sausages, hams, prosciutto, pickled pork, salami, and Hungarian hurka. I’m so excited, and truly thankful for lovely moments with good friends to see us through the hard times.
Now it’s storming in earnest and time to head inside for a cuppa, some cookies, and the next episode of Murdoch.
Wishing you a restful weekend. xo
by Krista | Nov 29, 2015 | Spring
The holidays have been a difficult time for me for several years. The music, the food, even the decorations were triggers for sad and traumatic moments in my life. Instead of the joy and happiness those things are supposed to elicit, they brought about grief and fear. Rather than feelings of togetherness and belonging, they brought flashbacks to rejection, abandonment, and the abusive religious teachings that governed and crippled me for so many years.
But not this year.
In the last twelve months I have worked through a great many things, pressing through triggers and flashbacks, nightmares and illnesses, rebuilding peace, courage, and strength back into my heart.
I could see the difference in my relationships, my work, my health, but it wasn’t until the holidays rolled around that I saw how the bad things in my past had lost their power. I wasn’t afraid anymore, wasn’t sad, and I could sit quietly with the bad memories instead of reacting to them. I could rest in gratitude for how much real love is in my life now.
I find it hard to express how much this means to me. For a long time it felt like the happiness of the holiday season would never be part of my life again. I’d resigned myself to just getting through Thanksgiving and Christmas instead of truly enjoying them.
I never thought I’d be in the place I am now, belting out Christmas carols with a free heart. They are happy songs for me now, not triggers from a time when I was worthless and didn’t matter. I actually want to decorate now, want to buy and wrap Christmas pressies, want to put up a tree. I was even able to go into a Church for a Christmas market without panic attacks or feeling like something awful was going to happen to me. I went in with courage knowing I am safe and loved, and had a truly lovely time without any of the fear and shame I’ve grown to associate with such places.
So this birthday/Thanksgiving weekend was very special to me, to both Bear and I. And we made the most of it.
I planned a big feast for us and had so much fun baking and cooking up a storm in the kitchen while Bear worked on medieval projects at the table and the rain pelted down.
I roasted a bacon-wrapped turkey breast filled with cranberry sage stuffing that smelled utterly heavenly as it was cooking.
I sliced apples and fried them up with butter and cinnamon and raisins to make Bear his favorite apple raisin pie.
I gave it a Thanksgiving-y twist with a toasted almond oat topping that was so nice with the buttery apples.
Thanksgiving just isn’t right for me without Canadian butter tarts, so I hauled out flour and butter for homemade pastry.
As much as I love traditional butter tarts which are filled with raisins, cranberry butter tarts are my favorite. Their tartness offsets the sweet syrup so beautifully.
Before and after the feasting we relaxed our hearts out. We went to the movies and out for lunch, slept in and ate leftovers, read and napped and chatted, did crafty projects, watched Elementary episodes, and toasted life with cold glasses of champagne.
We loved it, our first Australian Thanksgiving.
Wishing you healing, love, and truly happy holidays. xo
by Krista | Nov 26, 2015 | Spring
We’ve had some lovely storms lately, wild and wonderful with good, drenching rain. When they happen in the afternoon, the setting sun turns the skies into a magical canvas of light and shadow.
I love the colors in those moments, plum and magenta, peach and charcoal.
It amazes me how the sky transforms from a clear blue expanse to something out of an Old World painting.
I don’t get much work done on afternoons like this, utterly mesmerized by clouds and light and shimmering gold as the setting sun peaks out from under the storm.
As the rain fell this week, I made a dish I first tasted in Montepulciano, Italy several years ago: roasted pears with pecorino cheese. It’s one of my favorite Italian recipes because it’s simple to make yet utterly delicious.
I added fresh sprigs of thyme and as the pears roasted and cheese bubbled, the house filled with exquisite scents.
On a hot, stormy night, the cheesy pears are a lovely addition to a dinner of potato salad with capers and cold pork with beetroot chutney.
Now Bear and I are going Christmas tree hunting. Every year we choose a live fruit tree to decorate so we can add it to our orchard after Christmas. I really love decorating the tree, so we’re getting it today so we can decorate it tomorrow for my birthday. Bring on the Christmas music and iced hot chocolate!
What are you looking forward to this weekend? xo
Thyme Roasted Pears with Pecorino
Ingredients:
4 ripe pears, halved and cored
1 cup pecorino cheese, grated
sprigs of fresh thyme
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350F (180C).
2. Line square baking pan with baking paper.
3. Arrange pears in pan, cut side up. Sprinkle with pecorino and sprigs of thyme.
4. Roast for 20-30 minutes until cheese is melted and beginning to brown.
5. Serve warm or cold.
by Krista | Nov 24, 2015 | Spring
It’s been dark and stormy in my part of the world, with earth-rattling thunder, straight-to-the-ground bolts of lightning, and sheets of rain that drenched in seconds. Simply marvelous!
Before the storms arrived, Bear and I spent a delightful morning at a Danish Christmas Market in Mount Gravatt.
Although it is still odd for me to celebrate Christmas when I’m in a sundress sweltering in the shade, this market was just the thing for reviving holiday spirits.
Walking past palm trees and tropical flowers, we entered a building bursting with Christmas cheer. Musicians played traditional Scandinavian instruments and led the crowd in rousing singalongs of jaunty Christmas tunes. Tables were covered with all the things that mean Christmas to me and anyone else growing up with Danish traditions: white candles, red and white flags hung from picks and along garlands, paper stars, woven heart baskets to fill with treats and hang from the Christmas tree.
I loved it.
I especially loved experiencing it with Bear, introducing him to the culture and traditions I grew up with.
We wandered among the stalls, pointing out the items we’d return for. Some of our Danish Viking friends we know from our medieval adventures were there, and it was so fun to have a good chat in real life.
Then it was time for a bite to eat. We had red Danish sausages on fresh bread rolls topped with good Danish mustard and crispy fried onions, followed by æbleskiver, lovely little pancake balls topped with jam and powdered sugar.
We even braved a sip of Gammel Dansk Liqueur, a Danish bitters made up of 30 different herbs and fruits. It is astoundingly awful, but my Danish friends swear by its healing properties. Now that we know it’s meant to be viewed as a medicinal tonic rather than a delicious beverage, we might give it another go one day.
Before heading for home we picked up a few treasures: felt Danish flags to decorate cakes and pastries with, and a little Christmas doll of wood and felt with a tiny knitted scarf. I’ve dubbed her Maddy. I also picked up fresh poppy seed bread rolls and Bear surprised me with a couple of Danish advent candles.
The pièce de résistance was a gigantic, and I do mean gigantic, Danish kringle. Seriously, I had to use both hands to carry it, letting each side rest on my forearms so it wouldn’t break.
Kringle is a pretzel-shaped delicacy made of wienerbrød (Danish pastry) and filled with marzipan, fruit, or nuts, then sprinkled with coarse sugar. It is, in a word, divine. Particularly with a cup of coffee.
We had such a good time at the Danish Christmas Market, and can’t wait to return next year. It’s officially part of the Bear and Poppet Christmas Tradition.
What is one of your favorite Christmas traditions? xo
