by Krista | Nov 12, 2021 | Spring
I love deconstructing. Really, really love it. I love deconstructing recipes and furniture, appliances and books, politics and faith, working my way back to see all the components, figuring out how they work together, and seeing if there’s a better way.
I think deconstruction is one of the greatest privileges and responsibilities of being a grown-up because it leads to humility (I don’t know everything), compassion (nobody knows everything), and peace (it’s OK to not know everything).
Most of all, it leads to so much fun, adventure, and discovery. The world opens up when the preconceived ideas are dismantled, human beings are no longer the enemy but fellow travellers who have things to teach us, and our creativity flourishes as we press past boundaries and begin to build a new faith, community, political ideology, or way to make pancakes.
But first, we have to face the fear and prepare ourselves for backlash.
Institutions really, really, really dislike deconstruction. Political organisations, religious groups, businesses, friendships and families, they’d all prefer that we muddle along in a state of unquestioning acceptance and tradition because it makes things so much easier for them. They’re also rather fond of controlling people, and get quite cranky when we say, “No more.”
Sometimes it’s not about power or control, it’s simply the discomfort of change. Change in those we love is unsettling and scary, it threatens our sense of belonging, understanding, and security, it can make us feel like we’re being judged, abandoned, and as if our opinions, beliefs, and ideas don’t matter.
As I’ve deconstructed, I’ve lost community, family, and friends. I’ve been judged, rejected, gossiped and lied about. I was told I was evil, going to hell, and a shame to God, the church, and my community.
In the beginning, those reactions were devastating. They broke my heart and sent me through a long period of grief and mourning. And then, those reactions became a gift. They showed me the reality of how people saw me and freed me from relationships and institutions where I was not loved, accepted, and respected. And those lonely spaces they left in their wake? They were just what I needed to study, write, observe, examine, test, ponder, and discover.
Most of all, they gave me the time and space I needed to realise that going forward, no matter what happened, I would never abandon myself again. I would be my most devoted advocate, fiercest warrior, and dedicated worker-through-er-of-things so I could build a life grounded in reality, love, and adventure. Yes, adventure.
By choosing to see deconstruction as an adventure, it has become truly delightful. Yes, there are still periods of rage, grief, and loss as I uncover lies and process trauma, but I know now that each of those moments will be followed by peace, greater freedom, and deeper joy. I can go through the yuck because I know the wonder is coming. I can feel it as the trauma pain leaves my body, the nightmares lessen, my breathing becomes ever more deep and natural. I see it in my reactions to the world. I no longer have space for bullies or abusers, but my heart gives ample space for good folks with differing viewpoints, ideas, and thoughts. My world now is full of colour and nuance and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I write all this today firstly for myself, so I can celebrate how far I’ve come and how much I’ve learned, but secondly, for anyone who might be in deconstruction and feeling the terror of it.
You’re going to be OK. You really, really are. It’s going to be horrible and then beautiful, horrible, then beautiful, over and over until the beautiful begins to outweigh the horrible and the things and people that traumatised and harmed you will lose their power and you won’t feel the weight of them anymore.
You’re going to be OK because they lied to us. You don’t need faith to heal. You really don’t. You can heal with faith, and you can heal without it. Faith is not a determinant for healing from trauma and abuse anymore than it’s a determinant for healing from cancer or influenza or a broken leg. Anyone who tells you it is, is lying.
You’re going to be OK because you are never going to abandon yourself again. Slowly but surely you’re going to heal the disconnections with your own, dear self, you’re going to rebuild trust, you’re going to be able to distinguish your own voice from the clamour of others and find that it is wise and good and trustworthy.
You’re going to be OK because you have all the time you need to work through whatever you need to work through. There is no deadline, no exam, no evaluation, just good, steady, beautiful, loving work until you die. And every day when you wake up, you are enough, just as you are, no matter what stage of grief or healing or thriving you’re in. You’re just right and just where you need to be.
You’re going to be OK because you can do hard things. You’ve already done them. You’ve already survived lies and abuse and trauma and poverty and job loss and loneliness and rejection and illness and the loss of people you love. You’ve done all that. You’ve woken up every day and chosen life, and that is incredible.
You’re going to be OK because you don’t need to do this alone ever again. You can ask for help without shame, you can go to the doctor and keep going until you get the help you need, you can find a psychiatrist and keep trying them out until you get the one you need, you can get books from the library, listen to audiobooks and podcasts, join supportive Facebook communities, call depression or anxiety hotlines, go for walks, eat lots of veggies, drink enough water, sit in the sunshine, help others in need, take naps, cry your heart out, do something creative badly until you get better at it, whatever it takes to care for your own dear, beloved self. You are worth fighting for.
You’re going to be OK because you don’t need to know the ending to start the journey. You may end up with a beautiful new faith or a beautiful no-faith and no matter what anyone says, both of those are valid. If there is a God, he’s never, ever going to abandon you no matter what you are able to believe or not believe, and if there is no God, he was never there to begin with and you’re going to be just fine.
You’re going to be OK because you will find a home for yourself again. It’s going to be lonely for a while as you figure out who you are and what you believe, but, as you get settled in yourself, you’ll find people who will love you, as you. You will find good people who are loving and supportive and kind and will welcome you with open arms, people you can love and care for and who will do the same for you. There are people of faith and people of no-faith who are absolute gems and love based on a person’s humanity rather than whether they measure up to their correct idea of belief or not. There are good people who don’t care how you vote or what you believe, they just see and value you.
Lastly, you’re going to be OK because you don’t answer to anyone but yourself. You don’t owe anyone a description of your belief system or the state of your faith. You don’t have to explain it, defend it, or even define it. It belongs to you and you alone.
You might be a hope-er instead of a believer, you may retain faith but switch denominations, you may embrace a mix of pagan, Islam, and Christianity, you may toss all religion on the burn pile, you may simply not have the strength or energy to care anymore. It’s OK. That’s the other great thing about being a grown-up, you’re allowed to shape your own belief system. No one has the right to tell you what to believe. No one. They may think they have a monopoly on truth, but they don’t. It is simply impossible for any of us to have all the information in the universe to make a sufficiently informed decision about anything, so all we do is make our best guess. And frankly, when we realize that all of us are just guessing our way through life based on limited information, we’ll be a lot kinder to each other and a lot more humble.
One last thought. As humans, we get to keep growing, changing, and learning. We get to adjust and alter along the way as we learn and experience more. For me, there’s great comfort in this. This life is an adventure in every way, terrifying and exhilarating, mundane and wondrous. A deconstructed and mindfully rebuilt life is a glorious thing and I am so proud of you for doing this incredibly hard work.
Wishing you courage, endurance, and so much love as you explore and experiment and examine. You’re going to be OK. xo
by Krista | Nov 8, 2021 | Spring
The Grain Shed Retreat in Goomburra was filled with the scent of spices, herbs, berries, and fruit on Saturday as four friends and I gathered to make all sorts of boozy concoctions at “A Fine Tipple” workshop.
With just over 6 weeks until Christmas, it was the perfect time to bottle homebrews to be ready to celebrate the holidays or give as gifts for friends and family.
We made decadent Irish cream with Canadian whiskey, ruby-red raspberry liqueur, sunny mandarincello, smooth Bedouin date wine, and sweet Moscato infused with rosehips, hibiscus, goji berries, and mint.
We had such a wonderful time visiting and making a glorious, sticky mess as we zested piles of fresh mandarins, squished raspberries, and chopped sweet dates.
We whisked together cream, whiskey, coffee, and cocoa, blended dried herbs and berries for our own personal infusions, and noshed contentedly on the scrumptious morning tea made by my dear friend Bel.
As much as I love the face-to-face fun of in-person workshops, I know that not everyone is able to attend. So, I want to share with you the recipes we made so you can make them in your home and hopefully bring a bit of extra happiness and cheer to your holidays this year.
Irish Cream
Ingredients:
1 cup pouring cream
1 tsp coffee granules, powdered
½ tsp cocoa powder
¾ cup whiskey
1 tsp vanilla extract
½ cup sugar
1 ¾ cup evaporated milk
1. In a bowl add 1 Tbsp of the pouring cream and coffee and cocoa powder. Mix well.
2. Slowly add remaining cream, whisking until smooth.
3. Add whiskey, vanilla, sugar, and evaporated milk and whisk until smooth.
4. Pour into a jar, seal, and store in fridge until ready to use, up to two weeks.
Date Wine
Ingredients:
1 bag of dates
warm water
1. Cut dates in quarters and put in jar until 2/3 full.
2. Cover with warm water.
3. Seal and set in dark place for 7-10 days.
4. Strain, bottle, and drink.
Berry Liqueur
Ingredients:
2 cups raspberries
500 ml vodka
½ cup sugar
1. Place raspberries in bottle, add vodka and sugar, stir to mix, seal tightly.
2. Store in a dark place for 2-3 weeks and shake once a day.
Mandarincello
Ingredients:
6 mandarins
500 ml vodka
¾ cup sugar
¾ cup water
1. Zest mandarins, put in jar, cover with vodka, shake. Set in a dark place for 2 weeks.
2. After two weeks, put sugar and water in small saucepan and bring to the boil, stirring until sugar dissolves. Set aside to cool completely.
3. Add cool syrup to the mandarin mixture, seal, return to dark place and leave another week.
4. Strain, bottle, and store in fridge to drink cold.
Herb-infused Moscato
Ingredients:
½ cup assortment of herbs, dried fruit, and spices
2 cups Moscato
Directions:
1. Place dried herbs, fruit, and spices in a clean, glass jar.
2. Pour in Moscato to brim of jar.
3. Seal, shake, and store in dark place 2-3 weeks, shaking every day to ensure ingredients stay submerged.
4. Strain, bottle, and store in fridge to drink cold.
Please let me know how your brewing adventures go. I’d love to see what you make. xo
PS – You can also try my Cranberry Lime Beer here.
by Krista | Jul 28, 2021 | Winter
Create space.
Create space for what matters to me. Space for what I want to learn, experience, understand, taste, and see. Create space for the life I want to live.
I’ve been mulling over these thoughts recently, taking time to observe how I spend my time and if it really, truly reflects what is important to me. My friend Mary recently shared this quote by Victoria Erickson:
“If you inherently long for something, become it first.
If you want gardens, become the gardener.
If you want love, embody love.
If you want mental stimulation, change the conversation.
If you want peace, exude calmness.
If you want to fill your world with artists, begin to paint.
If you want to be valued, respect your own time.
If you want to live ecstatically, find the ecstasy within yourself.
This is how to draw it in, day by day, inch by inch.”
Reading these words made me smile as it sent my mind whirling into the realms of what do I long for? What do I want? What delights, intrigues, and inspires me as I am now?
I’ve been playing with ideas for months, painting them, writing them, talking them through with Bear. I follow ideas like breadcrumbs, ideas for work and play and adventure and connection, experimenting as I go, embracing what sticks and releasing those notions that float on by.
In the beginning, it was really hard. My answers to my questions were mostly, “I don’t know.” My thoughts were muddied by musts and shoulds and by giving weight to voices not my own. But, I stuck with it, returning again and again to the question, “What do I want?” And slowly, steadily, clarity came, sometimes in bursts of inspiration, sometimes in gentle knowing. Each discovery was a gift, an affirmation deep in my heart, a hearty, confident YES.
I learned that I need to do a much, much better job at looking after myself. I need more rest, more downtime, more fun, more community, more adventure, more discovery. I’ve been creating space for those things and it has been so good for me, my marriage, my clients, my friendships, everything. I love seeing the glorious ripple effect of true self-care.
Some of the changes are really simple. I need more sleep than the average person, and I’ve finally made peace with it. I stopped setting my alarm and sleep until I wake up. I schedule meetings for later in the day so I can have a peaceful and leisurely start to my day and approach my projects and work and commitments from a place of rest and calm. My stress has plummeted and I have more time and energy to live my life rather than recovering from it.
I learned that walking and hiking are the best exercises for me. I hate going to the gym, running is the devil, but my whole being lights up at the thought of a hike in the mountains or a walk through the woods. Weight training is important for my strength and resilience, so I get that in through lifting feed bags, hauling rocks, and using a 6-foot crowbar to dig holes for trees, bushes, and fence posts. Rebuilding my body is no longer a misery. I know it will be a long process and I’m finally enjoying it and loving my body as it is even while I help it get fitter and stronger.
Other changes required some grieving and letting go. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and I must adjust my life accordingly as I no longer have the strength and energy I once did. After grieving the loss of Old Me, I’m learning how to build a good life with Chronic Fatigue.
I still love gardening, but I’m shifting to gardens of mostly perennials, things that self-seed and look after themselves, plants that provide us with food without requiring so much effort from me. So, I’ve put in a lot of fruit trees, berry bushes, perennial herbs, and veggies like artichokes and asparagus that just keep going and going. I’ve put in drip-hoses to make watering easy, hung shadecloth to protect from the fierce Aussie sun and wind, and have Seasol and organic fertilizer pellets on hand to easily keep things well-fed.
We still love our farm, but we’re cutting way back on stock to make things easy to manage. When we sat down and talked things through we realised that we’d rather spend more time with each other and our luvs doing fun projects, visiting around the fire, and enjoying life. It will take time to downsize, but we’re looking forward to it.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about community. Covid has wreaked havoc in this area, disrupting so many events, traditions, and experiences where community is built and nourished. One way I’m connecting with people is through my workshops. I don’t do them to make money, but to create opportunities for relationships. Workshops are expensive to put on and I barely cover my costs each time, but I don’t mind because they give me a chance to get to know people and let them get to know me. For a few hours each month, we can immerse ourselves in creating something fun and interesting while being brave and opening ourselves to connections with potential kindred spirits.
I’ve loved every workshop. I’ve met wonderful strangers and forged new memories with old friends, heard amazing stories, laughed hard over the craziness of life, and even shared grief. No matter who attends the workshop or if things go smoothly, I always return home with a full heart, hopeful for the state of the world, grateful to the folks who take time out of their busy lives to invest in community.
I love that I never stop learning and growing and changing. I’ve heard folks say that people never really change, but I disagree completely. I’ve seen liars become truth-tellers, broken people become whole, fear turned into incredible courage. We can change, and that is a gift worth embracing and creating space for.
What is something you want to create space for in your life? xo
by Krista | Jul 12, 2021 | Winter
It’s a frigidly cold morning on our farm as I park myself right by the heater and sip copious amounts of hot coffee and herbal tisanes to keep warm. It’s a hot-buttered toast, cuddle with dogs, and snuggle under blankets sort of day. My favourite.
I’m feeling rather bubbly today, excited and full of anticipation as I share my books with you at last. With full-colour images and recipes I’ve developed and refined over the last 10 years, these books offer a blend of history, culture, and deliciousness that delight, nourish, and restore.
From Spiced Elderberry Cordial and Fenugreek Fever Gel to Rose Mint Pastilles and Wild Cherry Marshmallow Cough Syrup, this book is full of recipes that use things easy to find in your pantry, garden, or local farmer’s market to ease headaches, soothe upset tummies, and tend wounds. Embrace your inner wild spirit and discover how easy it is to mix and brew things that can restore you and your loves in mind, body, and spirit.
Click here to order.
From harvests in lush oases and seaside fishing hauls to foraging and hunting in the windswept desert, the food of medieval nomadic tribes was an ever-changing feast utterly dependent on weather, economic stability, and proximity to trade routes.
In these pages, you’ll find luscious, creamy pudding and piquant cheeses, succulent roast meats and delectable wine, spreads, sweets, dried yoghurt, and other ingenious recipes designed to withstand the searing heat of the desert.
It’s exciting to see how the ancient food practices of the Bedouin are perfectly suited to camping, road trips, hikes, and anywhere you don’t have access to modern conveniences.
A Comforting Brew
One of my favourite blends from herb & spice is Lemon Cheer Tisane. Opening a jar of this heavenly
tisane is pure happiness to me. Made of lemongrass, lemon verbena, lemon balm, lemon thyme, and lemon bergamot, it is a blend designed to calm the nervous system and cheer the soul. I also add a bit of peppermint to brighten things even more.
Lemongrass and peppermint can ease headaches, lemon balm and lemon verbena are soothing and aid digestion, lemon bergamot and lemon thyme are excellent for flu and cold symptoms, and lemon myrtle is an indigenous bush medicine long used to ease sinus problems and sore throats.
Not only is this tea soothing, cheering, and invigorating, it also smells divine and tastes great either hot or iced, especially when sweetened with a spoonful of real maple syrup.
Lemon Cheer Tisane
Ingredients:
1/4 cup dried lemongrass
1/4 cup dried lemon verbena
1/4 cup dried lemon balm
1 tsp dried lemon thyme
1/4 cup dried lemon bergamot
1/4 cup dried peppermint
Directions:
- Pour all ingredients into a medium bowl and stir well until blended. Store in an air-tight container.
- When ready to serve, place 1 heaping teaspoon in a tea strainer, pour over 1 cup of just-boiled water, steep for 3-5 minutes and sweeten to taste with honey or real maple syrup.
by Krista | Jul 7, 2021 | Winter
“Listen to me, your body is not a temple.
Temples can be destroyed and desecrated.
Your body is a forest—
thick canopies of maple trees and sweet-scented wildflowers sprouting in the underwood.
You will grow back, over and over, no matter how badly you are devastated.”
Beau Taplin
You will grow back, over and over, no matter how badly you are devastated.
How I love those words today. Love thinking of my body as a forest, not a temple, able to renew itself and grow tall and strong and verdant, over and over again.
The forest has always been a haven for me, ever since I was a little girl in Canada running as fast as I could along trails carpeted thickly with pine needles. I can still feel the spongy ground underfoot, smell the pine trees warmed by the sun, feel the dappled light on my face.
I’ve seen forests blackened by fire and scarred by logging, but, given time, they always come back. In Canada, they’d return with a crop of seedlings, brilliant fireweed dancing in the wind, huckleberry bushes, and plantain. Here in Australia, I see healing in charred gum trees covered with clumps of leaves that slowly become branches, frothy clouds of lantana flowers, and the sound of bellbirds in the undergrowth.
I feel burnt and scarred by the events of the past few years: cancer, hospitalization, virus, injured hubby, and the death of my brother, to name a few. Followed by the deep, internal changes that come out of such things. I have changed, and I’m still feeling my way forward, sometimes blindly, trusting that I will find where the new me fits.
The forest continues to comfort me as I go through these changes, reminding me that nothing stays the same, grief, loss, and pain are inevitable, but so are joy, wonder, and beauty.
I love seeing how broken things – trees torn out by flooding, branches sent crashing down from storms – now provide homes for amazing lichen, fungi, and the tiniest plants. Brokenness is not the end, not the final chapter, it just means change.
So, on days when grief is especially fierce, when the painful things of life seem to far, far outweigh the good, I go to the forest and wander and linger and weep and smile and get back to the things that nourish me in body, soul, and spirit so I can keep growing, so I can grow back.
I will grow back. xo
